Vertigo
by Goldenlioness4
Summary: In 7th year, Lily finds her thoughts in disorder and feelings toward a particular Gryffindor student whirling dizzyingly around in her mind. It all started at the end of Lily’s 6th year where an unexpected conversation brings to light new information.
1. Spectemur agendo

**A/N: I know, I know I should be updating 'Footsteps in Time: Year Two'. The next chapter is almost ready, so now worries there. This is a short L/J story (about six chapters, five of which have been written already, I've been working on for some time now. It started as a one-shot and then I decided to keep going. I had a beta look this over, so hopefully most of the grammatical errors have been caught. I hope you enjoy this chapter and I will be updating 'Footsteps' very, very soon. **

Chapter One: _Spectemur agendo_

At first glance the scene appeared quite ordinary. A sixteen year old girl with long auburn hair was flipping through a textbook in the school library accompanied by a friend. On closer inspection one would notice the girl had startling green eyes and was studying a book labeled _Magical Healing Properties of Herbs and other Ordinary Plants_. Perhaps even more extraordinary was that inside the girl's satchel was a wooden wand deemed by its maker to be excellent for charm work.

Though this school had many of the same aspects as any boarding school around the world, such as sleeping corridors, a House point system, a school sport, and long lists of rules and banned items, there was one very important difference. This remote boarding school had not been built to educate just any group of young people, but specifically young people with magic in their blood – witches and wizards. Most Muggles went about their lives blissfully unaware such a place existed, while to others, Lily Evans included, Hogwarts school of Witchcraft and Wizardry had become a second home.

* * *

Lily Evans was currently staring longingly out the window watching groups of students steal the last few precious carefree moments before final exams, O.W.L.s, and N.E.W.T.s began. Lily was beginning to regret politely declining her roommates' pleas to join them outside. Instantly she felt guilty remembering she was here to help her Hufflepuff friend, Allie, who had recently broken up with her first boyfriend. Lily's grand plans to cheer Allie had fallen short in the stifling setting. Perhaps she could still coax Allie outside for some fresh air.

As luck would have it Allie's old beau sauntered into the library. His sudden presence caused many heads to pop up from behind books and shy smiles to be thrown his way. Completely used to the attention like that, Sirius Black did not even look the least bit fazed. Then a frown slowly appeared, yet it did nothing to detract from his handsome features. Sirius had elegant black hair, cool grey eyes, and an ease about him that made everything he did look effortless. Black could casually lean against a wall and half the female population of Hogwarts would turn weak legged. Unfortunately that was not an exaggeration, and Lily had found Sirius much more agreeable before he realized the power of being popular, handsome and rich. Lily was proud of the fact that she was one of the few who could register in their mind that Sirius Black was good looking without falling all over him.

_Please don't come over here_, Lily mentally prayed when she noticed Sirius was searching the room for someone. Then Black's eyes rested on her and he abruptly strode over to their table.

_The nerve! _She gave him her most unwelcoming look, which she knew was quite fierce. Her friends joked that her icy glance could stop a raging Hippogriff in its tracks. Sirius did not heed her facial warnings and sat across from where Allie and Lily were seated. Allie's face had turned an interesting crimson color and she averted her eyes.

"Hello, Evans." Sirius paused and in a much quieter voice, "McCoy." Allie looked up suddenly turning pale as her eyes met Black's. Lily couldn't decide if she should be grateful Sirius had addressed Allie in a formal manner or angry that he could be so distant to a girl he had snogged not so long ago.

"Black, what can I do for you?" Lily was surprised that her tone was _almost_ polite.

"I was hoping to speak with you." Sirius smiled at her as if they chatted regularly. Well at least he wasn't here to call on Allie. Lily should be thankful for small favors. Taking a deep breath, she responded curtly, "I don't think that's a good idea." It was best to be firm and a bit harsh when dealing with someone like Black.

Sirius had the audacity to smirk at her! "Is it not your duty as a Prefect to at least hear me out?"

_Blast it_, Black had her. He knew, as most of the school did, that she highly valued her sense of duty.

"Last time I checked a member of your quartet is a Prefect. Do go bother him." Lily waved him away all the while smiling sweetly.

"What if I say this is about Remus?"

Remus Lupin was the only semi-sensible one of the self-proclaimed Marauders; Hogwarts own band of mischief makers. Though recently Lily was beginning to doubt his complete innocence in Marauder missions; she had a feeling Lupin could be as clever and crafty as his friends when he wanted to be.

"Does it?"

"In a way, yes. Come on, Evans. Don't make me beg!"

Although the idea of making Black beg was appealing, he did remind her of a dog at times, she felt her resistance waning. "Well go on then…"

"Can we speak alone?" Sirius glanced discreetly at Allie.

"Oh –I-I'll go," stammered Allie, her stuff already half gathered. At the same time Lily angrily stated, "No, you don't have to…"

Then Sirius's voice cut through clearly, "I meant outside the library."

"Hold on…I didn't agree to go anywhere with you, Black."

Sirius now looked irritated and he stood up and proceeded to grab Lily's bag. Lily watched him head out of the library forcing her to follow. She wouldn't trust Black a moment with her things. Many eyes followed her and she could imagine the millions of rumors Black had started by this stunt.

"Black! Would you slow down?" Lily had to take two steps to his one long stride. Sirius eventually stopped outside a vacant classroom and wordlessly held the door open for her. Against her better judgment Lily entered the room; Black was after all used to getting his way and she took a seat upon the desk. Sirius handed Lily her bag back and took a seat upon the desk next to her.

"Relax, Evans. I'm not going to bite you. I'm well trained." He grinned wryly. "I've known how to conduct myself properly in front of young ladies since I was four."

"If you've known all along how to act civilized then why don't you?"

Sirius looked startled by her bitterness and softly added, "The people who taught me those manners would hardly consider you proper company." Sirius didn't need to elaborate any more. Lily knew by people he meant his parents and by proper company, he meant that she was Muggle-born.

Lily now remembered the rumors that had spread about Sirius running away from his home and going to live with the Potters. Though Lily had a large group of friends and was generally liked by most students, she could not imagine arriving at any of their houses in the middle of the night requesting to stay there the rest of the summer. Lily couldn't help being slightly jealous of the close bond of friendship between Potter and Black and in a slightly less degree with Lupin and Pettigrew. They were lucky; many people never experienced such a special bond ever in their life.

She wondered if it was true he had also been disowned for that stunt. Sirius's school robes this year were not made of expensive silky material most rich pureblood students wore, but of a less expensive fabric. Sirius had also taken to wearing more Muggle clothing, especially a black leather jacket. Lily wondered where on earth Black would have even found a leather jacket.

"Ok. Ok. So what is it that was so important you had to speak to me about?" When Sirius didn't answer her she continued. "Merlin, don't tell me Potter is hidden somewhere."

Lily began to search the vacant room for any shadow that resembled an annoying messy haired boy.

"_James_," Sirius pointedly used his best friend's first name. "Doesn't know I'm here. He'd probably kill me for even talking about this to you."

"Why should he? I'm free to speak with you if I choose. Unless you're here to express your undying love."

"Oh, no!" Sirius looked appalled and Lily despite herself was annoyed that he didn't particularly think she was attractive. As if reading her mind, Sirius sighed in wonderment. "Are all girls so insecure?"

Lily blushed slightly and Sirius's bark-like laugh filled the room. "First of all I didn't say you weren't pretty, but you're Prongs's girl." Lily rolled her eyes at the use of one of the silly nicknames the boys had for each other. Really, something like that could be cute for a group of ten year olds, but not sixteen year olds. Not to mention that the first word that came to Lily's mind when hearing the word "Prongs" was sharp. And sharp was not a word to describe James Potter. His hair fell messily about never lying flat. His hazel eyes were soft and he was very comfortable and relaxed around other people.

"And I could never picture us in a relationship."

"Oh, yes, I forgot you prey on more innocent girls such as Allie." Lily knew she was treating Sirius rather coldly, but this was about being loyal to her friend.

"I don't know what Allie told you or what you heard. Last rumor I heard was I dumped her via owl." Sirius looked at her carefully. "Allie and I talked this over. I told her our relationship was going nowhere and that we should break it off. I was protecting her before she became too attached."

"You couldn't just stay away from my friends?" Lily didn't care if she was being unfair. Black's dating record wasn't exactly perfect.

"First of all Allie approached me," he said, anger gathering in his voice, "and Allie kissed me first."

"Still…" Lily said locking eyes with him.

"I have not been with nearly as many girls as some would like to believe. A combination of wishful fantasies and a smile in some third years direction and she's suddenly telling her friends that we're going out." Sirius leaned back and now in a teasing voice said, "I didn't think a sensible lass like you would believe such rubbish."

"How would I know the truth?" Lily replied indignantly, her cheeks felt as if they were on fire. Gathering her composure she said, "Regardless about all that, you were wrong with your first conclusion. I will never be Potter's girl!"

"Would it literally kill you to give him a chance? One date? Would the cosmos crash as a result of such a horrific suggestion?"

"If you are here to convince me to give Potter a chance, save your breath!" Lily was now in familiar territory and was gaining back some of the confidence Sirius's words had stripped down. "He's arrogant, a bullying toe rag…"

"And you'd rather go out with the giant squid than him," Sirius finished. "WE KNOW. We all heard it loud and clear the first time."

"And yet your friend still hasn't gotten the message," Lily answered covering the embarrassment she still felt over the fifth year incident by the lake with anger.

"None of that really matters to me anyway because I don't think you're good enough for him."

"Excuse me?"

"You heard me." Sirius's face had suddenly turned unpleasant. "If you can't see what a great guy Prongs-James is then you don't deserve him," he finished fiercely.

"It's very admirable to hex people in the hallways _just for fun_, especially first years…how very noble," Lily replied sarcastically eagerly waiting for Black to talk his way around those facts.

He was ready for her.

"There are worse things than being conceited, Evans. For Merlin's sake, you see the good in Snivellus."

"His name is Severus Snape," Lily corrected.

"See what I mean? He calls you a mudblood and you still defend him. Mark my words; he'll be joining up with Voldemort as soon as he's out of school."

"Is that why you're here, to lecture me?"

"No, no it's not." Sirius sighed heavily. "Before you hear me out, just remember I'd rather James drop his pursuit of you, but he won't allow himself such happiness until he wins your affection."

"He can have any girl he wants. I don't understand why he chose me. I'm nothing special."

"I think you've answered your own question, Evans."

"So he thinks I'm not special?" she asked slyly.

"Perhaps he feels you'll make him a better person."

Lily shook her head, turning away from Black.

"So remember a few months ago when I was suspended for a few days?" Sirius was tapping his foot nervously.

_How could she forget?! _No one had really understood what had occurred, but whatever had happened caused the close-knitted group of Marauders to split up for a whole month. Both James and Remus had refused to talk, sit, or be near Sirius for a full two weeks. And then one day James was back to being friendly with Sirius and a little later everyone was back to normal.

"I remember," she responded quietly.

"Do you remember the reason for the suspension?"

"Something about illegal drinking at Hogsmeade…"

"Professor Dumbledore's doing. I may not have been myself that day, but it had nothing to do with alcohol."

Lily gave a slight nod; her interest in the topic of conversation had certainly peaked and she was afraid if she spoke Sirius might decide not to tell her all about it.

"Ever wonder why James wasn't punished along with me?"

Not only had Sirius been suspended, but all his privileges such as Hogsmeade visits and watching Quidditch games had been revoked and he had lost Gryffindor one hundred and fifty points.

"I figured you took the blame for it all as usual."

"No, it was nothing as noble as that. In fact James was a completely innocent accomplice. James saved us all. Remus's life, my life and Sniv-Snape's life. All because I made a reckless decision."

"You must be joking," Lily answered faintly.

_Potter saved Snape's life?_

"I can't tell you the details, but he risked his own life to save Snape…I would have lost two hundred and fifty points, but James was awarded quietly one hundred points for his deed."

Thousands of questions milled around in Lily's mind, two in particular. "How was Remus involved? Why didn't tell Dumbledore tell everyone the truth?"

"I can't divulge that information. It isn't for me to tell. All I know is you believed James was involved in that whole mess and I wanted to clear it up."

Lily didn't know what was more amazing; James saving his enemy's life or the fact he hadn't boasted about it to everyone.

"Dumbledore had every right to expel me though. I deserved more than I received. If it hadn't been for James, I'd hate to think what could have occurred."

Feeling a strange compassion towards Black, Lily said, "We all make mistakes."

Sirius laughed, giving her a smile. "You're as complicated as they come; I'll never understand you."

"Thanks for telling me…not that this will make a difference…"

"Well you are free of your obligation as a Prefect." Sirius stood abruptly and he headed toward the door.

"Black!" Lily called out. "Why didn't Potter tell me himself? Why didn't he want me to know the truth?"

Sirius turned around, his hands in his pockets. "Would you have believed him?"

His statement hung in the air long after he was gone. The truth was she would have not believed him. She would have thought he was lying or trying to be heroic to get her to go out with him. This truth was rather startling. Lily didn't like to think herself as someone who didn't give others a fair chance, but when it came to Potter the worst came out in her.

* * *

As final exams ended and as everyone was packing their bags, Lily was still milling over her conversation with Black. _What did it all mean? Did it matter? _Potter was still a prat, yet he had turned hero and hadn't flaunted it. Perhaps he was changing and growing up – it did have to happen eventually. And if he was changing – _so what? _It shouldn't matter to her and at the same time it made a difference and more difference then she could admit at the present moment.

At the Platform, Lily lugged her trunk over to a wooden bench that hadn't had a proper painting in years. Her parents had owled her that they'd be about fifteen to twenty minutes late.

Unconsciously her gaze found Potter and as usual he was surrounded by his gang. She watched him warmly clap Peter on the back, who left with a plump looking woman who must have been his mother. She watched as James said something witty to Remus who laughed and embraced James in a brotherly manner. Only Sirius and James were left now, and Sirius was motioning James toward the platform entrance that separated the Wizard world from the Muggle world.

As Sirius went through the barrier, James stopped, having finally felt her eyes upon him and he caught Lily's eyes unsurely. Lily couldn't remember the last words she had spoken to him, but most likely Lily had been yelling at him for something. Lily gave him a half wave and a cautious smile; a hopeful smile crossed Potter's face. He glanced over at her again as if to reassure himself that he hadn't been dreaming and then he too was gone. Lily supposed the cosmos wouldn't crash if she were more polite toward James.

Title translation: 'Let us be judged by our actions'

**A/N: Thanks for READING and please REVIEW. **

**Also just as a note, I've posted the first chapter of this story on Mugglenet Fanfiction as well.**


	2. Omnia mutantur

**A/N: Here's chapter two. Thank you to everyone who reviewed the first chapter and I hope you enjoy the next one as well. I want to thank my beta Melissa. **

Chapter Two : _Omnia mutantur_

Lily was relieved that summer was over and today she was starting her seventh and final year at Hogwarts. It was amazing how six years of her life had flown by and though it saddened her that she would be leaving Hogwarts soon, she would also soon be starting a new exciting chapter of her life.

It had been a tense summer with her older sister Petunia (Muggle to the bone) planning her engagement party. In Petunia's eyes there was nothing worse than being a witch. Her sister had always strayed from anything abnormal; anything that was not considered the status quo. Lily suspected Petunia only involved her in the wedding plans because of their parents' pleas.

Lily's parents had just dropped her off at King's Cross and she wheeled her trolley casually toward platform nine and three-quarters. Glancing around to make sure she hadn't caught the attention of any Muggles, she slipped through the barrier easily, bracing herself for the usual hustle and bustle of the platform. Instead an entirely different atmosphere greeted her and Lily abruptly came to a stop. It was a sad and depressing sight to see that Voldemort's rise had finally touched Hogwarts.

A little first year with a massive head of curls was clutching her mother with tears running down her cheeks. Her mother was muttering, "You'll be fine! We'll write every day and before you know it, we'll see you at Christmas."

These were similar words parents for generations had promised their frightened first years, but in these dark times they took on a whole new meaning. No one knew who would be the Death Eater's next victim and even the older students, who were usually keen to get away from their parents' rein, lingered longer and huddled in small groups; glancing behind suspiciously at any sudden movement or loud noise.

Various students greeted Lily, but she was still focused on the first year. She wanted to help her and Lily realized she could; she was Head Girl after all, and helping first years surely would be on the list of duties.

She approached the girl with a comforting smile. "Hi, I'm Lily Evans and I'm the Head Girl. If you would like, I can help your daughter onto the train and get settled."

The mother did not return Lily's smile, instead she looked at her suspiciously. Then suddenly a burly seventh year Slytherin boy by the name of Evan Rosier stood behind the woman, smirking at her in an alarming manner. "I see you've met my family, Evans. How is your _Muggle_ family?" Though technically Rosier hadn't said anything wrong, the amount of menace he put in the word Muggle brought a chill to her body.

"Right. I hope you have a great year," Lily said addressing the young girl whose mother had grabbed protectively to her breast the moment she heard the word Muggle.

Walking away with her head up high, Lily chastised herself for not expecting something like this. The wizard world was at war over blood and being Muggle-born, her rights and existence were on the forefront of the battle.

Deciding it was time she went on the train, Lily straightened her robes and entered the Hogwarts Express. She knew it was going to be a tough year, but Dumbledore had appointed her, so he believed she could handle the job and she wasn't about to disappoint him. Instead of searching for her friends, Lily headed in the direction of the Head's Compartment unconsciously touching her pin.

She began musing about the likely candidate for Head Boy, but none came to her mind. As long as it wasn't a Slytherin, Lily was sure she could work with anyone. Perhaps Michael Power from Ravenclaw would be a good choice. He had a strong head on his shoulders even though he was very boring to talk to.

Pushing the sliding door open, Lily looked into the large compartment. There were red silky drapes on the windows, four House banners hung on the side walls, and in the center was the Hogwarts School Emblem. There were two red couches and on top of one of them James Potter was snogging Jocelyn Edwards senseless. His body was pressed against Jocelyn's firmly and they were so engrossed neither of them had heard her enter.

"A-hem!" Lily coughed, ignoring the question on the forefront of her mind, which was if Potter was as good a kisser as the rumors claimed. The couple broke apart hastily; Potter looked surprised and sheepish, Jocelyn flushed and pleased.

"What are you doing?!" Lily crossed her arms in what she hoped was an imposing manner. Potter smirked at her question. Obviously Lily knew what they were doing, so she quickly amended her question. "I mean – why are you in here? This compartment is only for Heads. I should put you both in detention."

"James has every right to be in here," Jocelyn's girlish voice informed her. She was a Gryffindor sixth year that Lily knew vaguely. Jocelyn was the shallow sort; rich and beautiful with no worry of the future. Lily instantly disliked her.

"That would mean-" Lily couldn't finish the sentence.

"That James is Head Boy?" Jocelyn offered snidely.

"That is not something to joke about!" Lily retorted searching the room hopelessly for the real Head Boy to appear. Perhaps Potter had hid him? Maybe there was a hidden compartment in the couch?

"Unfortunately, Evans," Potter began, standing up. _Merlin when had he grown so tall? _"This is not a joke."

Not only was James taller, but his features had hardened so that he looked older and more mature. His black hair, messy as ever, served to remind Lily that this was still the same adolescent boy that had pestered her for the past few years to go out with him. Nothing had changed.

"Good lord," Lily muttered turning away from Potter's piercing hazel eyes. The school was done for. There would be no law and order with a Marauder in charge. What was the Headmaster thinking? Had the Professors' lost their minds? This was the same boy who last year had boasted about his rule-breaking career.

"I was surprised as you." James looked apologetic. "Sirius reckons Dumbledore had a bit too much firewhiskey that day…"

He was grinning, and Lily met his eyes with a scowl. This was not at all funny.

"I don't think it was a mistake," a sweet voice interrupted their staring contest. "You'll make a great Head Boy."

It seemed to take James effort to rip his eyes away from Lily and back to his girlfriend, Jocelyn.

"It's probably time you left, Jocelyn. Evans and I have to get on with our duties. I'll see you after the feast."

"The feast?" Jocelyn pouted. "Come visit me after your meeting."

"I can't. I promised my mates I'd find them," James said easily. Though Lily felt intimated by the cloudy look that passed over the girl's pretty features, James didn't look worried. Jocelyn, as she brushed by James, whispered huskily, "If you come visit me sooner, I'll make it worth your while."

Before leaving she met Lily's green eyes with her own blue ones – it was a look one might give to a competitor – the prize being James. Jocelyn had nothing to worry about; she was welcome to have the arrogant prat. Potter watched her leave, her hips swaying most provocatively and he ran a hand through his hair, ruffling his black locks even more. As he turned back toward Lily, he dropped his hand instantly at the sight of her narrowed eyes. Lily had always hated that nervous habit of his.

"How long have you been seeing Jocelyn?" The question was out of her mouth before she could stop it. It wasn't really any of her business, but Potter didn't seem to mind.

"Not long. We met up about two weeks ago in Hogsmeade, grabbed a few butterbeers, and things progressed from there."

"Oh really?" Lily said trying to sound uninterested as she rifled through the papers that she had been sent over the summer about Head duties.

"You don't approve?" Potter's voice was light and friendly.

"You are free to date who you want…it's just I never pictured you with a girl like that."

"I'm not marrying her and why are you so interested anyway?" James was watching her with a slight smirk; the same smirk that made him quite a catch in many female students' eyes, and smile that Lily had always deterred with a scowl, yet suddenly her heart was pounding wildly. It was just nervousness from being Head, she reasoned.

"I'm _not _interested. I was just trying to make conversation."

Potter laughed and it filled the compartment easing the tension; a smile tugged on Lily's lips.

"So how was your summer, Evans?"

"Oh…it was all right. My family's Muggle so they don't really know what's going on here, so in a way it was a nice break from all the worry."

"You haven't told them?" He sounded surprised; his deep voice resonated with concern. "Muggle attacks are at an all time high."

"I didn't want them to worry," Lily defended. "Ok, so maybe it was partly for selfish reasons, I was worried they wouldn't let me return to Hogwarts. I'd go crazy if I had to be home all year."

"What's so horrible about home?" James had sat back down lounging back on the couch.

"Sister problems." Lily didn't elaborate. It wasn't something she talked about often.

"Pad- Sirius, would know something about that. His younger brother will probably be joining Voldemort's ranks soon as he's out of Hogwarts."

Lily was surprised by how carelessly Potter used Voldemort's name in conversation. Those few brave enough to utter it usually whispered it or said it quickly.

"I don't have it nearly as bad. I mean I wouldn't run away from home…"

"Yeah, he's had it rough. He hides it well though."

"He's lucky to have you."

"Sorry?" James was looking at her strangely. Well no wonder, it was probably the first time she had complimented him.

"Somewhere to go," she added as explanation.

"Right," James murmured and the silence widened the distance between them.

"I know I'm new to all this, but don't we have a Prefect meeting to begin?"

Lily turned scarlet. How had she been the one to forget that? She glanced at her watch. The meeting should have begun two minutes ago. Lily paused to grab some of the notes she had written down to say to the Prefects. She was glad to have them, needing the reassurance that she was in charge, especially now that her world was turning upside down.

* * *

James shifted in the cushioned chair inside the Headmaster's office. It wasn't that the chair was uncomfortable; it was the whole strange situation. He was Head Boy! The idea still surprised him. 

James had been in this room and chair before, almost always because McGonagall or one of the other Professors felt he and his friends had crossed the invisible line that meant the offense was important enough to alert Dumbledore. What was Dumbledore thinking? James admitted he knew nothing about keeping order. He only knew the rules because he had broken most of them.

Each of his mates had reacted differently to the news. Padfoot had fallen to the floor in laughter, unable to believe that it was a legitimate letter. Then he spent the rest of the time teasing him that he wasn't going to be any fun anymore, but James knew it was all in jest.

Moony had congratulated him, and hinted that this was a large step toward winning Evan's affections. James knew he was happy for him, hiding the slight disappointment that he hadn't been selected. James had a feeling Remus would blame it on his monthly transformations into a werewolf. In a way, Moony used this as a crutch, an escape goat when things didn't go his way. James did all he could do to convince him he was a regular person – calling it Remus' _furry little problem _in polite company. It was hard to really get Remus to believe it because in the real world, outside their circle of friendship, there were prejudices and once out of school Remus would have to register in a record that would be available to the public.

Wormtail's reaction had been the best; if you wanted your ego boosted he was always the one to go to. Peter was always ready with praise, never lecturing any of them on their actions or pointing out their faults.

James glanced at Lily Evans who was drumming her fingers and making an effort to ignore him. He had tried his hardest all summer to get over her, but if it was at all possible, he was even more in love with her now. He couldn't pinpoint what it was about her. Here she sat next to him, so sure of her position as Head Girl; ready to catch the troublemakers of the school.

All she had was contempt for him; and she was waiting for James to mess up, to step one toe out of line, so she could shout to the school all his faults and how she was right about him. James sighed audibly running a hand for the fourth time through his hair. He knew Lily hated that, but right now he didn't care.

Dumbledore finally appeared, gliding down the steps that led to his bed chamber, his grey beard flowing behind him and blue eyes watchful.

"Good evening, Mr. Potter and Ms. Evans. Congratulations are in order! Your parents must be very proud."

"More like shocked, Professor," James admitted.

"You've both earned it in your – er – own way. Now I must implore to you the need for us as a school to stand united. House rivalries must be brought to a minimum. You two must work together and stand strong. If ever we needed strong leadership, it is this year."

"We'll do what we can," Lily replied earnestly.

"The school Governors have been very busy over the summer coming up with rules they feel will protect the students. One of them I'm afraid dealt with Quidditch, games and practices included and there was conversation about canceling it all together for this year."

"They can't do that!" James spat angrily.

"Sit down, Mr. Potter. It was only conversation. I spoke to the Governors and explained we'd have a student mutiny if such drastic changes were taken. We came to an agreement that all practices will be held in the daylight hours and with a teacher present. I do not think that precaution unreasonable and I do realize that Captains have the tendency to schedule practices at all times of the day and night, but that will have to stop. I need you, Mr. Potter, on my side on this ruling."

"Professor…"

"Your first responsibility is the school and second to the Quidditch team, Mr. Potter. Even these restrictions will upset students so you need to show your approval. Students will follow your lead. If you cannot do this, perhaps it is best you step down."

James faltered. He hadn't expected Dumbledore to be so frank about this and he was vehemently against the new rules. Part of the reason he loved Quidditch was the freedom. Out on the pitch, it was just you and the broomstick. Lily was looking at him with an unreadable expression. Did she think he'd step down? Was that the proper thing to do? No matter how he spun the choice in his head, quitting now was cowardly and James never backed down when a challenge arose.

"I don't want to step down, Professor. I'll do my best to convince the other students of the necessity, but in my heart I don't think it's the right course of action."

"Good to hear, Mr. Potter." Dumbledore's eyes were twinkling. He obviously hadn't expected James to step down. "Now let us go over what you two need to cover in the next few Prefect meetings…"

James was only half listening because Evans was smiling at him. Her radiant smile brought warmth to the room and for the first time since he'd been appointed this role, James felt more confident about it.

* * *

Lily was exhausted and she wanted to be left alone. According to her friends, she had been acting different since the first day back and they all wanted to know what was wrong. They wanted to help fix her problem, but Lily wasn't exactly sure what was wrong. It was her last year of Hogwarts and instead of everything being like it had the last six years, nothing seemed the same. Head duties took a lot of her time and all her class work and now with the news she'd just received… 

Going back to the Gryffindor Common room was out of the question, so she chose another sanctuary. Lily pushed open the doors that led outside and walked swiftly across the frosted ground. Her tears mixed with the winter rain and the wind whipped at her cloak, yet she welcomed the numbness. She could barely see two feet in front of her and as she neared to the Quidditch pitch, she saw three figures darting around on brooms. _Who in their right mind was out flying in the weather past curfew? _Besides her of course and she was currently not in her _right mind_.

Lily almost turned to go in the other direction. She had no way of knowing who was out there, but her curiosity and duty to enforce the rules overcame her. Now one of the figures landed and by the sound of the footsteps was headed right at her.

"Who's there?" she called out bravely and whispered _Lumos _to light her wand.

"Evans?" The voice was surprised, male and very familiar.

"Potter?" Lily lifted her wand and the light illuminated James Potter's face. He looked cross and not at all pleased to have run into her.

"What are you doing out here? You aren't allowed!" Lily scolded.

"Neither are you, Evans. At least I'm smart enough not to come out here alone. These are dangerous times."

The other two figures that had landed, standing in the distance watching their conversation, were Sirius and Peter. Potter crossed his arms looking at her carefully and Lily choked on a sob. She wasn't usually this emotional…well not in this way. Why couldn't Potter act as he always had? By now he should have asked her out at least a dozen times, but he seemed to have gotten over her. Well he did have Jocelyn and with her sophistication and polish, they were a perfect match.

"Are you all right?" James turned pale having finally noticed her tear-streaked cheeks.

"Those Muggles – they weren't…" He couldn't bring himself to finish the sentence.

"No, no," Lily assured him quickly. The Daily Prophet's front page news story that morning had reported that six Muggles had been murdered in their homes in one night and they all had Muggle-born wizards somewhere in their family. Two of the six Muggles had been under the age of five and the news had hit Hogwarts hard.

"Stay here," James commanded and Lily picked her head up. James said a few quick words to his friends; the words cloak and map were mentioned a few times.

"Let's get you out of the rain. We can't have the Head Girl sick." She allowed James to take her ice cold hand and lead her to the Quidditch team changing room. He produced a key and ushered her inside. The room smelled musty and moldy, the smell of sweat still lingered, but it was dry and warm. James performed a drying spell on her clothes then his own.

"Warm enough?" His gaze was on her, concerned and friendly.

"Yes. Thank you," she muttered. It was strange being here alone with James and she felt completely vulnerable. She hadn't wanted her friends to see her like this, yet now Potter had gotten involved.

"What's wrong, Evans?" James took a seat, a respectful distance away from her. He'd been acting so responsible lately with completing his Head Duties and not hexing students in the hallway, that Lily sometimes felt she should slack off just to keep the world in balance.

"It's silly."

"I doubt that."

"My…my…my dog died."

"Your dog?" James looked as if he expected anything else, but that.

"I told you. Now go off and tell your mates and you can all have a good laugh about it."

James looked shocked by her words and hesitantly said, "I would never…Merlin you really do see me as a horrible person, don't you?"

"I didn't mean…" Though she had…she wanted to think the worst of James because then it was easy to bury all those other thoughts that had been hiding ever since fifth year. As long as he was a prat, it didn't matter what her feelings were, she could never be with someone like that. It was simple logic and it hadn't failed her until this year. "I'm a mess."

"A mess? I don't think I've ever know someone who appeared so – so together."

"You're the one with the perfect life."

"Me?" He laughed hollowly. "My life is far from perfect."

"Everyone loves you!"

"Everyone thinks I'm a joke." There was pain in his words. "Troublemaker turned Head Boy. No one takes me seriously and some of them even expect me to join in when I catch them in the act. They just laugh off my threats of detention. At least the school takes your appointment seriously. No one believes I deserve this badge," he finished disgustedly.

His hazel eyes stared straight through hers. He always kept steady eye contact when he talked to her. He was still holding her gaze, and she felt breathless and a blush creeping up her neck from such intimate contact.

"Dumbledore does, and well so do I. Maybe not at first, but students will listen to you. They will follow your lead. Everyone just needs to get used to the new Potter; the more responsible version."

"Now I know you must really be upset; you're complimenting me."

Lily smiled despite herself. "I guess I have been harsh on you at times."

"I did deserve it usually…though you could have turned me down more gently."

"I have a small request." The idea had just popped into the head –it was a crazy, very un-Lily like idea, but it excited her.

"Yes."

"I think the school could use a good laugh. With all the murders, everyone's mood needs a bit lightening up. I know I'm going to regret this, but perhaps the Marauders could do something about that…"

James' mouth had dropped open and he was completely speechless.

"It must be harmless and not directed at any particular House, mind you."

"Evans, you're insane!" James laughed. "Completely and utterly mental."

"So is that a yes?" There was playfulness in her voice that she didn't recognize.

"Sirius is going to love you. He's been itching to do something. I've only just barely stopped him."

Lily felt her mood improve. It was nice having a normal conversation with James.

"Sorry about your dog," James said quietly. "What was his name?"

"Tucker…I've had him since I was five. Even while I was away at school, he'd sleep each night on my bed."

"Lucky mutt…"

"What was that?"

"Oh, nothing…" James ruffled his hair and though the gesture was still annoying, it didn't irk her as it used to. The windswept-look made Potter look more boyish and vulnerable.

"Why were you out in the rain?" Lily asked. She realized her question was nosy, but she couldn't help wanting to know.

"I just needed some fresh air…it can get so stuffy inside at times. Out there, I feel alive, not at all useless."

"Are you _feeling _ok?"

Perhaps there was something in the pumpkin juice to explain all this strange behavior. Where was the cocky confident boy that strutted around the castle?

"It was a rough summer…"

"You did meet Jocelyn." The words were out before she could stop them. Even she couldn't ignore the fact that she sounded jealous. It was completely inappropriate comment, especially since Lily didn't want to date Potter.

James ignored her comment wisely. "My father is ill." James paused. "He's got Dragon Pox and the doctors fear my mother was also infected. There's a cure, but he has a really resistant strand of the disease and so far the cure hasn't worked for him. The doctors aren't sure why. And my father is elderly and the amount of stress he's been under. Well it was rough…"

"I had no idea…" Lily hadn't imagined something like this could be plaguing Potter. She had expected him to perhaps complain that his Quidditch team had lost in the World Cup.

"And there's nothing I can do. My father's dying and I'm useless."

"I'm sorry." The words were inadequate, but she couldn't think of what to say. There really wasn't a proper or right thing to say.

She barely recognized the boy in front of her. She almost wanted him to smirk and ask her out; telling her this whole pretending to care was just a way, a ploy, to win her heart.

"I'm dealing with it…" James stood up glancing at the clock in the room. The two large hands were broomsticks and the second hand was a Snitch. "It's late. We should probably get back."

"If we get caught…together…after curfew…"

"A lecture and a detention won't kill you, Evans," James joked, sounding more like himself, flirtatious and in command of the situation.

"I know that!" Lily snapped irritably. "My record isn't that flawless."

"If anyone should be really worried, it's me." He grinned cheekily. "I'm the one with the girlfriend. Imagine the rumors…" He whistled.

"This is not funny." She paused. "Well it won't be funny if we are caught. We are supposed to be setting an example."

"I wondered when you'd start lecturing," Potter interjected jokingly. She could tell he didn't care; perhaps he too was glad that she wasn't so upset anymore.

"You don't seem so worried about what Jocelyn will think…"

"If she doesn't believe me that nothing happened between us, then I'd rather not be with her." He stood up, leaning casually on the wall.

"Hmmm…"

"She's not a bad person, Evans. And she does have two things going for her, she's very pretty and more importantly, she actually likes me, which is quite an improvement from my usual female pursuits."

She knew immediately he was referring to her. "I don't hate you…"

"Right."

"You just – irritate me."

"You sure know how to praise a guy."

"I'd like us to be friends."

Potter's face was a mixture of amazement and hope. "Friends, eh?"

"It should make working together easier, less formal. We have been in the same house since first year."

"I'd like that Evans."

"Lily."

"I don't know." Despite trying to appear serious, a smile was breaking through. "Aren't we moving a bit fast? Being friends and on a first name basis on the same day."

"James!" She laughed and her mood changed, feeling uplifted and she'd forgotten for awhile about all her problems. She realized James had that effect on people, whether it was a stirring speech before a Quidditch match or easing the tension in the classroom – James brought light to the room. He made you want to do the impossible.

"Lily." She liked the way James said her name. She could tell by the ring of the word that he cared about her. Perhaps that wasn't such a bad thing after all. There was enough dislike and hatred in the world right now.

Lily wasn't sure what she wanted, but friendship seemed like a proper start. It wasn't fair to lead James on. The way he was staring at her with so much longing, it scared Lily. She'd never been one to like change and this change was overwhelming. Dare she open her heart to James Potter?

"About the getting caught part, that won't happen." The magic that had encased them had broken and James was unfolding a silvery object.

"You have an invisibility cloak?"

"Yes, family heirloom."

"Well no wonder you've gotten away with so much…"

"This Lily is only ONE of the many Marauder secrets," he answered mysteriously.

"I don't suppose you'll tell me the others?" she asked hopefully.

"Maybe one day. Come on, it is getting late."

They had to crowd under the cloak and James placed a loose arm around her – bending slightly so they were completely covered. And she didn't mind the least being this close to Potter, his warmth and smell were making her dizzy, but it was comforting and with all the discord in the world…his steadiness was welcoming.

As they parted in the empty Common room, Lily floated up to her bed with the other seventh year girls and slipped quietly into a restful slumber.

Title meaning: 'Everything Changes'

**Author's note: Thank you for reading and please take time to review! **


	3. A posse ad esse

**A/N: I want to thank everyone for leaving a review. Here's the next chapter; something spoiler-free for you to read before the final book comes out!**

**Chapter Three: **_**A Posse Ad Esse**_

James sank down taking a seat on the bottom step of the staircase that led to the Entrance Hall. He scanned a letter from his mother; his father's condition had improved for now. He should be heading to the pitch for Quidditch practice, but he was already five minutes late, so what difference did a few more make. He was Captain and he was confident the team could warm up without him.

As usual the source of his troubles was a fiery red head. In the past four weeks she'd been alternating between hot and cold, which was driving him nuts. Every time he saw her he wasn't sure if she was going to smile at him as if they were friends, ignore him because he wasn't worth her attention, or scowl at him for daring to look at her.

He hadn't imagined it would be like this. After the conversation they'd had when she asked if they could be friends he thought things would be different. Apparently Lily's definition of friendship differed from his, because many of their interactions were still far from friendly.

There was some progress; James was confident Lily didn't hate him. It had gone down to a mild dislike and sometimes he swore she felt the same force of attraction he did. Couldn't she see how hard he was attempting to act in the way a boyfriend worth Lily's attention should? Did she realize how much inner strength it had taken to stop all the pranks, even when a perfect idea sprang into his mind or to stop himself from turning some first year's hair into a multicolored rainbow?

The Marauders had taken Lily's advice to lighten the mood of the student body, enchanting the two coats of armor near the Great Hall to sing a popular Wizard rock song every time the door opened and enchanting the lights in the Great Hall, so it was dark and disco-like. Still compared to the advancements in pranks they'd made over the years, the idea was too simple and it did little to quell the Marauders' creative spark.

"James! I've been looking for you everywhere!" There stood Evans, breathless and as beautiful as ever. Her long hair was loose and tangled, just the way he liked it.

He gave her an annoyed look. _He _hadn't been the one avoiding her. "I have practice, Evans. Can this wait?" _What was the point of using her first name anyway? That was a sign of familiarity that she clearly didn't feel about him._

"This is sort of important." She hesitated, unnerved by his coldness and then relayed, "I was wondering- I know this is short notice – I already talked to Dumbledore and granted you'll say yes he'll let us go…"

He stared at her blankly, unable to make sense of her rambling. "Sorry?"

"My sister is having an engagement party and she expects me to bring a guest and I was wondering if you'd go with me."

"When is it?" James was impressed that he was still speaking coherently and unless his ears were deceiving him, Lily was asking him out.

"Sunday. I'm terribly sorry for the short notice, it's just I didn't know who to ask and at first I just thought I'd go alone, but then my sister wrote me and she's under the impression I have a date and I realized I can't go alone and…" Her face was bright as her red hair and she refused to look at him properly. Lily was nervous he was going to refuse her! This was an insane twist in roles.

"Yes," he interrupted her. There was so much hope and wonderment that accompanied that word that he wondered if Lily could feel it.

"Just as friends, James. No strings attached."

"Fine." He was already imagining kissing her.

"I've told you about my family and my sister…not many people know what a terrible Muggle she is and I didn't want to have to explain it to anyone else."

"What time do I have to be ready?"

"Oh…hmmm…good question. I'll have to ask Dumbledore what time he arranged for the transportation."

"Ok. Look, Lily, I really am late for practice."

"Sorry," Lily flushed. "Thank you, James."

James stood up giving her his trade-mark cocky grin. As he turned to give her a wave, he found that she had disappeared up the flight of steps.

_Real smooth, Prongs._

* * *

Quidditch practice felt endless that day and the team was surprised when he ended it early. Usually he squeezed as many extra minutes as he could until whatever teacher who was watching their practice shooed them down.

He didn't bother stopping to change into his normal robes, or even check to see if their equipment was locked away properly.

Entering the seventh year dorm, James greeted his mates. "You gents will never believe what happened."

His friends all picked up their heads. Sirius was lying on his stomach fiddling with some enchantments on the Marauder's map, Remus was sitting on one of the desks getting ahead on an essay, and Peter had all the stuff in his trunk scattered on the ground.

"What Prongs?" Sirius asked lazily.

"Evans – Lily asked me out on a date!" The words tumbled out fast and his friends were stunned into silence.

"Very funny," Padfoot said rolling his eyes. "And did all the clouds turn into pink bunny rabbits too?"

"I'm serious!" Sirius smirked, but James continued, not giving him a chance to make reference to the overused pun. "Her sister is having an engagement party and she wants me to be her date!"

"When's the party?" Remus asked. He was the most sensible after all and it made sense he'd be the first to believe him.

"This Sunday," James said proudly.

"Wait a minute," Sirius said looking very concerned. "You didn't by chance get hit in the head by a Bludger, did you?" Peter sniggered.

"This was before Quidditch practice, thank you very much," James replied indignantly.

"And you sure she was talking to _you_? There didn't happen to be a bloke standing behind you?"

"I'm quite sure she was speaking to me," James said tersely.

"Hmmm…" Sirius scratched his head thoughtfully.

"Maybe she got hit in the head with a Bludger?" Peter offered looking like he was about to burst with laughter.

"Ah…quit teasing him," Remus said with a smile. "This is quite a step, Prongs."

"She did insist we were going only as friends…but…"

"Did you say this Sunday?" Sirius asked abruptly.

James nodded.

"The full moon is _this _Sunday."

These words sent James crashing back down to earth. Ever since he'd spoken with Lily, he had felt light on his feet, as if he were flying. He no longer felt like that; his daydreams had come to a thunderous halt. His one chance to show Lily and it had to be on the one night he couldn't go. Why were the fates so against Lily and him being together?

He frowned, not bothering to hide his disappointment from his mates. "What am I going to tell her?"

"I think it might do her some good to be rejected one time," Sirius said callously.

Remus cleared his throat. "You can go, Prongs, I can manage for one night."

"What?" cried Sirius. His grey eyes were quickly looking like approaching storm clouds. "Don't be daft. Of course he's coming with us, Moony. He wouldn't abandon us like that!"

Sirius then turned to James for confirmation. "Right, Prongs?'

James tried not to look too guilty. Was it wrong that he was seriously thinking to take Moony up on his offer? James knew how Sirius looked forward to their full moon escapades, but Lily had asked him out. She wanted to spend time with _him_ on her own time.

"I manage in the summer on full moons. I can manage Sunday."

James ignored the scathing look Sirius was giving him. "Are you sure about this, Moony? Lily would understand, after all she asked me last minute."

"Yes. Go sweep the fair Ms. Evans off her feet," Remus said lightly.

Sirius however was not taking the subject lightly. "Since when is a girl more important than your friends?" accused Sirius.

"I never said -" James answered, but Sirius cut him off.

"She's leading you on, Prongs! It's not right to dump your friends just because a girl smiled at you prettily!"

"I'm not choosing her over you, Padfoot," James quipped, "and don't you dare suggest I am."

"Don't forget how she treated you after her chat in the locker room, all that nonsense about being friends."

"Don't fight guys!" Peter squeaked. James knew Peter hated when they argued because he never knew who to side with.

"I said it was OK, Sirius," Remus said forcefully.

"Your opinion isn't the only one that matters," Sirius said dismissively.

James was at a loss of what to say. Sirius knew that Lily wasn't just some girl. Sirius knew that this was a chance to grow closer to Lily, something he'd been trying since fifth year when his knees first grew weak at the sight of her sparkling green eyes. James also knew Sirius had never particularly liked Lily as a person, finding her stuck up and haughty, too good to associate herself with pranksters.

"You're being a git," James replied. "We've had to cancel full moons before for you, especially after that idiotic prank you played on Snivellus!"

Sirius froze and James immediately regretted bringing that up. The _prank _was a very sensitive subject and they had all silently agreed never to bring it up.

"Look Padfoot…" James began in an attempt to apologize and still get his point across.

Sirius decided to ignore the reference to the prank for he didn't let James continue. "I bet my inheritance that she'll leave you heartbroken!"

"You don't have an inheritance. You were disowned, remember?" James retorted. This too was a bit of a low blow, reminding Sirius of that.

"Well I bet your inheritance then," Sirius shot back.

"It's a chance I need to take. If she breaks my heart then I won't grumble the slightest when you tell me I-told-you-so."

"Evans is messing with you, Prongs. Can't you see that? She's messing with all of us. First we have to tone down our pranks because you want to impress Evans-"

"_And _because I'm Head Boy."

"We can't hex the Slytherins because Merlin forbid, Evans is around the corner…and I see you breaking up a perfectly natural fight between a first year Gryffindor and a first year Slytherin – and now she's gone one step further…she's even ruining our full moon outings!"

Remus rolled his eyes. "I hardly think Evans purposely picked a full moon night for her sister's party. Now you are being paranoid."

"That's not the point!" Instead of growing calmer, Sirius's fury just seemed to be increasing. "The point is James wants to abandon us, and you, Remus, are giving him permission!"

"What if I just cancel Sunday's outing? Regardless if James goes or not. Then he won't be missing anything even if he goes."

"You can't do that!" Sirius said incredulously.

"Yes, I can. You promised when we first started out that if I ever felt uneasy, if I ever told you not to come, that you'd obey."

Sirius gave Remus a mutinous, but silent stare. Moony was speaking the truth and for all of Padfoot's faults, his loyalty was not one of them. Sirius had given his word and he wasn't one to go back on it.

Sirius stood up. "You're a selfish prat, Prongs!" He strode out of the room, slamming the door loudly behind him. They could hear him swearing as he went down the stairs.

James sunk down onto his bed. He hadn't wanted to upset Sirius like this. He knew how much the full moons meant to Sirius. He knew how sometimes that was the only thing his mate had to look forward to. When the four of them were out there together, there were no predetermined destinies to worry about. Out in the woods blood didn't matter, the rules didn't apply, family obligations vanished into the night air. Sirius grew very restless with the mundane life as well as reckless and full moon nights served as the perfect vent for all his pent up energy.

"He'll get over it, Prongs," Remus said softly.

Peter added, "We ran into Regulus this morning…the git forced Sirius into a confrontation."

"That explains why he's been so short tempered," James replied. "In a way he's right. I am being selfish. I should have checked to make sure we didn't have plans before saying yes to Lily."

"We can't expect you to have been thinking properly, especially after she asked you out," Remus said laughing.

"Aren't you still going out with Joceyln?" Peter questioned.

"We aren't really together…"

"She thinks you are and she won't be happy." James could detect disapproval in Peter's voice.

"I don't care, Wormtail. We should check the Map. With Sirius in such a foul mood, he'll go looking for trouble."

James walked over to the Map on Sirius's bed and quickly found the dot labeled 'Black, Sirius'. He was walking directly into the path of a pack of Slytherins, who James knew would be all too willing to take on Sirius without much prodding. It was strange how only a few months ago James had spend nearly every day and every waking hour with Sirius, but since the start of Hogwarts, he'd barely hung out with him. Between Head duties, Quidditch practice, school work, and preparation for NEWTs, there hardly seemed any time for fun this year.

"You can't go after him," Remus pleaded. "If Padfoot is looking for a fight, then as Head Boy you can't take part in it."

"I won't abandon him either," James answered briskly and threw a smile at Remus as he disappeared under his invisibility cloak, "and anyway they'll never know I was there."

_Title meaning: 'From possibility to actuality'_

**A/N: Thanks for reading and please take the time to leave me a review!**


	4. Busillis

**A/N: I hope everyone enjoyed reading "Deathly Hallows". I did, even though I'm very sad that the series is over, but at least we still have fanfiction to keep the story and characters alive. This story, though, will disregard Book Seven. I wrote all the chapters besides the last one before the book came out and since it will only be a few small changes, I'm not going to bother. Please enjoy this chapter!**

* * *

Chapter Four:_ Busillis_

"Have fun now, Lily," Marissa Berska chorused with a wink and a wide smile. The four girls around her giggled madly and threw Lily looks that clearly meant they knew more about this than she thought they did.

As the girls walked out the door and descended down to the common room, Lily couldn't resist rolling her eyes. "With friends like them who needs enemies."

"Hush, Lily. I'm almost done," Tallie commanded. She was a plain girl with straight blond hair and always had a smile on her face. Putting down the brush and curling iron, Tallie picked up a spray bottle labeled 'Curls Forever More' and misted it all over Lily's red hair. "Voila, you look gorgeous."

Lily stood up from the stool she was sitting on and walked to the full-length mirror in the bathroom. She twirled around, the gold dress she wore was simple, but it sparkled extravagantly when the light hit it. She was shocked by how grown-up she looked. Her hair was half-down-half-up in curls, and red tendrils framed her green eyes.

"Potter will turn speechless at the sight of you," Tallie exclaimed.

Lily frowned at her reflection. "Do you think it's a bit much? It is Petunia's day. I don't want to take away her spotlight."

"Once she sees your dashing date, your dear sister will understand."

"Not you, too," Lily moaned. It had been a tiring week having to deal with everyone's concerns and questions about her apparent 'change of heart' toward Gryffindor's Golden Boy.

"You've been so silent on the topic, so you can't be mad at me for coming up with some fantastical answer, such as you've been harboring a secret passion for Potter since you first looked into his hazel eyes our first year."

"Hardly," Lily retorted with a grimace.

"Well then I suppose you just enjoy messing with the poor bloke's heart?"

Lily swiveled around to face Tallie. "Come again?"

"You are sort of leading him on… Potter's been pining for you since fifth year, and you finally invite him somewhere, but not at all in a romantic sense. It is a bit cruel."

Lily stared at her friend. She had never meant for her actions to be cruel…well maybe at one time when James deserved it, she might have wanted to give him a taste of his own medicine. Now though, it hadn't been her intention and Lily wondered if other students thought the same thing about her. Was she playing with James' feelings? She didn't think so, especially since she had been honest that this was strictly a friendship. This, after all, wasn't a movie or fairy-tale, this was her life, and building a friendship with a boy she'd held in disdain only a few months ago was a large step.

"You don't think I should have invited him?" Lily asked tentatively. Tallie was an honest person, and Lily hoped she wouldn't lie to her just to spare her feelings this one time.

"It's a little late for that…" Tallie said, a thoughtful look crossing her face. "Look, Lily, you are the kindest person I know, but when it comes to Potter, well you're quite stubborn about your opinion of him."

"I am trying to change my opinion about him, but his past actions have been very questionable and…"

"No one will argue with you about Potter's arrogance…but I don't know, he just has a way about him, don't you think? A certain, unexplainable charm."

Lily thought back to some of the conversations she had with Potter during rounds and Head duties. He could make her laugh easily, he was witty and with one off-hand comment could erase the uneasiness between them.

"And he has changed this year. He appears to be assigning more detentions than he actually receives. Also that annoying habit of hexing anyone he comes in contact in the hallways has toned down…."

Everything Tallie cited was true, but the change was abrupt and perhaps not even genuine.

"The thing is, people don't change their true nature over night," Lily noted. "I doubt this polite and courteous Potter will last long, especially not with Black over his shoulder tempting him…"

"Speaking of Black," Tallie said wiggling her eyebrows, causing Lily to wish she had not ever spoken the name. "With Potter preoccupied with you, poor Sirius might be lonely tonight."

"Don't tell me you fancy Black?" Lily cried, outraged. Getting involved with Black as far as Lily knew had caused more heartbreak than necessary.

"He's a perfect specimen of the male species. What's there not to like in Black?"

"He's a berk…" _Just like James_, Lily added in her head, yet she had invited him to her sister's engagement party.

"Ah, well I'm not looking for a relationship. Just a good snog in an empty classroom or under the stars…"

Lily gaped at Tallie, unable to protest in words.

Tallie burst out in laughter. "Relax, Lily, you're so tense lately. I was only joking. I'm not about to go snog any of the Marauders. If anyone will have that chance, it's going to be you."

"Me?"

"If Potter doesn't try to kiss you, then the bloke is dumber than I originally thought."

"You're joking again? Kiss me? That's absurd."

Tallie ignored her protests. "Perhaps you even want him to try? See if the rumors are true about his kissing prowess?"

"No! Never! What have you been drinking?"

Tallie smirked, reveling in the nerve she had touched. "Sorry I mentioned it. Lily, could you answer me honestly about one thing? Why did you invite Potter?"

Lily was struck dumb for the second time. Her reasons were so befuddled and mixed up in her mind that to actually grasp it enough to be able to articulate it seemed impossible. Why indeed? Was it because she genuinely enjoyed his companionship when she stopped criticizing his every action and let her guard down? Or was it that a spark lit up in his eyes when he bumped into her in the hallway between classes, a spark that sent shivers down Lily's spine and made her feel special? Did it mean something that James was one of the few people she had opened up to about Petunia? James understood her and the way he grabbed onto any small detail of her life, as if it was all equally important to him, showed he cared about her personally. Lily knew Potter would not shy way from the Muggle strangers, and he would not be intimidated by Petunia's prejudiced remarks or the inquisitive questions her father or mother might ask him about Hogwarts and the general magical world. It was still a mysterious world to her family, because Lily had always been careful to keep the two worlds separate.

Tallie was looking at her expectantly, waiting for the revelation.

"I didn't really know who else to invite and if I went dateless it would only prove to Petunia that I'm a freak even here in the wizarding world."

"If you expect me to believe that, then you don't know me well, Lily. I, for one, can think of a dozen boys who would have said yes."

"Such as?"

"Travers…Wood…Clearly…Renner…"

As Tallie listed the names off, Lily in her head ticked off the reasons she disliked each of them. Too short…too shy…too boring…too self-involved.

"Ok," Lily admitted, "so I had other options."

"We're making progress, at least you are admitting you chose Potter, and not because of some outside influence. You still haven't answered my question."

Lily busied herself with the bag she was taking, fiddling with the objects inside, pretending to be check-listing the items.

"Could it be that you are falling for Potter?" Tallie asked tentatively. She was studying Lily carefully.

"Don't be ridiculous," Lily answered with a final tone, clasping a black cloak over her dress.

"I, for one, don't think it would be a horrible thing," Tallie stated slyly.

"I thought we've already covered that subject."

"Just hoping to catch you off guard," Tallie replied with a laugh and a thought suddenly occurred to her. "Did you explain to James about the dress code?"

"I told him it was formal. Why?"

"No, I mean about _Muggle_ clothing. You have to remember James is a pureblood…he'll show up in his best dress robes."

Lily stared at Tallie. "Oh no!" She could just see everyone's reaction, the gaping and whispers behind the hands, and Petunia would die if she saw anything blatantly magical.

"Worst case scenario you can persuade your family that it's the latest style in Scotland," Tallie remarked consolingly.

If Lily was worried about the party before, her nerves kicked into high gear. This day could easily turn into a disaster, and not because of Potter's antics, but because she had forgotten that James had little contact or information about Muggle life. She was generally prepared for all situations, but lately her life had gotten out of control.

Tallie glanced down at her wristwatch, the one Lily had given to her for her sixteenth birthday. She had bought it in a Muggle jewelry shop in London, then using a slew of complicated charms she had bewitched the face of the clock to mirror the weather outside, a bit like the Great Hall ceiling. Right now it was a gray color with clouds of various sizes moving across it to signal that it was cloudy.

"I think it's time to go down."

Lily nodded, composing herself. She was anxious to see Potter.

"I'll tell you why I chose Potter," Lily said suddenly. She owed Tallie part of the truth. It might not be as exciting as harboring a secret crush on the boy, but it was legitimate. "I know I'll have fun with James."

No matter what else she thought of Potter, she knew this was true. Tallie had been right. James had a charm about him that made him a delightful companion.

"Well then…he's the perfect choice," Tallie conceded.

* * *

James wished Peter would stop talking. The constant chatter was not keeping his mind off his date with Lily; instead, it was grating on his nerves and his nerves at the moment did not need any further disturbance. 

Remus was upstairs finishing up the homework due Monday; as it was the full moon tonight, Remus would spend most of Sunday sleeping and recovering. While Sirius had joined Lily's roommates when they had come down, and James would have given anything to have Sirius jabbing jokes about his love interest instead of dealing with Peter's attempts to impress him. The week when James most needed the reassurances of his best mate, Sirius had been cool and distant.

James didn't understand why he felt as if he were back in fourth year on his first date. He was usually so confident around girls. The stakes today were high, and if he messed up with Lily today, James knew he would get no further chances with Lily. He had to keep his wits about him. He couldn't act like an idiot in front of her. He had to relax, be charming and respectful.

There was an intense pain in his shin and James realized Peter had just kicked him. James glanced upward to see Lily descending the steps. She was a vision, looking beautiful and sophisticated, and he was thankful no matter what occurred tonight that Lily had chosen him.

James didn't miss the fact that every male in the common room had their eyes on his date – Lily, after all, was quite a catch. But when Lily shyly found his eyes, he forgot all about them. As James stumbled to his feet, Sirius whistled. James turned briefly to give Padfoot a grin, taking the whistle as an apology and approval. Instantly he felt better and he approached Lily with confidence, wanting to offer her a compliment, but unable to think of one that she wouldn't rebuke.

"You're in Muggle clothes?" Lily asked her emerald eyes widening.

"Remus told me I'd be laughed at if I wore my dress robes. Is this ok?"

Judging by Lily's reaction, Moony had been correct.

"Yes," Lily replied quickly, looking relieved. "I should have told you. I had forgotten. You look like a proper Muggle."

Noticing everyone was still watching their exchange, James decided it was time he and Lily were alone. "Shall we?" He motioned toward the exit of the common room. Dumbledore had arranged a special carriage for them that would take them to where they could Floo to Lily's house.

They walked down the hall and toward the Grand staircase silently. James was beginning to feel self-conscious once more. He wasn't sure how to act. All he wanted to do was kiss her ravishingly right there…to feel his body against hers…but he kept control.

"How far away is your house?"

Lily looked just as uncomfortable, and smiled at his safe question topic. "Quite far. Once we get to Hogsmeade, we can Floo over to my house; Professor Dumbledore had it arranged. From my house we'll drive with my parents to the party."

"It should be fun," he commented, his wit seemed to be on vacation at the moment.

Lily shrugged and began playing with the clasp on her robe.

"Is there something on your mind?" he asked as they waited patiently for one of the staircases to move to allow them to go to the next floor beneath them.

"I know it's none of my business and it isn't proper of me to ask, but are you still seeing Joceyln?"

James couldn't hide how taken back he was at the mention of his few week fling with Joceyln. Well it might have progressed to more than a few weeks, but he never thought of their relationship as official. He had mentioned to Moony one time how Lily constantly brought that topic up, and Moony had agreed it was suspicious, but had not agreed that James could see it as a declaration of love.

"I was never seeing her," James quipped. Technically his answer wasn't a lie. James had never asked Joceyln to be his girlfriend, but they had acted as a couple in public.

"You know what I mean," Lily answered back, her eyes serious. "I hope this, for lack of a better term, date, didn't ruin your relationship."

"Is that what people are saying? That you ruined my relationship?"

"Some," Lily replied noncommittally. James had heard this too and was convinced either Jocelyn or someone in her gang had spread this the moment they heard the news of Lily asking James out.

"Those people are being idiots. You didn't ruin anything because my relationship with Jocelyn is completely separate from my friendship with you."

Jocelyn had been icy toward him the entire week, even out right declining him in public to 'walk around the lake', a code word for snogging. He might have not been officially seeing Jocelyn, but they were more than friends. It hadn't mattered to him. He had feelings for Jocelyn, but they were shallow and replaceable. At the same time, James knew Jocelyn was using his status to further her own, and she had no deep feelings for him either. Peter was also peeved at his treatment of Joceyln; he couldn't get over how easily he could toss away a gorgeous beauty. Throw it away for a chance with a fiery red head who most likely would break his heart.

Before James could properly prepare himself, they had arrived at Lily's house. He entered in a dream-like sate, dusting the ash off his clothes and helping Lily with her cloak revealing the exquisite dress she wore underneath. The dress clung to her curves in the most provocative way, so James kept his eyes firmly away from Lily.

He shook hands with Lily's sister, a plain blonde haired girl who was taller than Lily with a face that reminded James of a horse. Lily's parents, who were very simple plain folks (no hint of aristocracy like most of the parents James had met before), were very pleased to meet a wizard and welcomed him warmly. It surprised him that they weren't more cautious and he easily fell into conversation with them.

Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Lily's bewildered expression, and she narrowed her gaze at him as if suspecting he had used a spell to charm them.

Finally he was able to extract himself away to 'wash up' and as he walked up the stairs to the lavatory, he knew he was entering a secret place of Lily's. He walked by four bedrooms, all doors closed tightly except for one. The Marauder in him urged him to take a peek and he knew immediately this was Lily's room. It had a very childish quality to it, as if Lily wasn't ready to formally accept the beginning of adulthood.

He saw pictures of her and Petunia, and some of her with 'Muggle friends', none of those pictures moved. He ran a hand over her dark purple comforter, knowing this was taboo. He should not be in here, looking around her room without her permission, yet he felt closer to her by crossing that line. He then heard voices on the stairs and hastily exited, going toward the bathroom, his original destination.

* * *

After dozens of pictures with various members of the family, as Petunia wanted to remember this party with as many pictures as possible, Lily went in search of James. 

She couldn't believe how quickly James had charmed her parents, and even Petunia was taken by him, until she realized he was a wizard.

Lily spotted James a little ways away from the buffet table surrounded by a slew of females consisting of Lily's cousins and Petunia's school friends. All the girls appeared enamored by James, voices flowing easily, with laughter occasionally in between. Lily wondered what on earth James could possibly be talking about to them. Although she knew Potter had grown up in wizard high society, attending balls and parties that were much more sophisticated than this, she had never witnessed him so well-mannered and comfortable in his surroundings, treating each person he was introduced to as if they were well-known friends.

As Lily neared James feeling slightly self-conscious, the girls around James were the first to notice her. When James looked her way, his eyes lit up giving her approach his full attention, the girls surrounding him looked at her with a mixture of disdain and jealousy realizing they had lost their audience.

James politely excused himself placing a loose arm around her and he led her away from the girls, intentionally or not, he was letting them know who Lily belonged to.

They paused near the dance floor. James gazed at the happy, dancing couples. "Would you honor me with one dance, Miss Evans?" He bowed gracefully causing Lily to blush.

"All right," she agreed. She had grown tired of conversing with the guests and she did love dancing.

James was as graceful and agile in the sky as he was on his feet, so he made a wonderful dance partner. He held her close, but not too close. They didn't speak, letting the music take them, twirling and swirling as one, ignoring everyone around them. As the song ended and they came to a halt, Lily felt pleasantly strange and disoriented. If James hadn't his arms around her, she might have fainted to the floor. Another song began and Lily nodded when James asked if she wanted to continue.

Over in the far right corner, Mrs. Evans was watching the exuberant young couples dance. She smiled to herself. Her daughter was smitten with her handsome, well-mannered date whether she realized it or not.

* * *

James watched Lily walk up to the girl's dormitory. Her perfume still clung to his clothes. She had ended the day with a brief hug, something that the Lily Evans he knew would have not done only a few hours ago. 

It was really early in the morning, around five a.m., and James crept up the stairs into the silent dormitory.

"You back, Prongs?" mumbled Padfoot sleepily. Padfoot's bed sheets were strewn all over the place as if he'd had a fight with an imaginary foe.

"Yes," James whispered back, changing out of the Muggle clothes. He could hear Peter breathing heavily and did not want to wake him.

Padfoot sat up looking more awake than his voice had let on a few moments ago. "Fancy a trip to the kitchens?"

"Sure," James agreed. He was neither hungry nor thirsty, but it had been awhile since the two of them had hung out alone. James grabbed his invisibility cloak, and Sirius got the map out of his trunk and they silently headed downstairs. Since they had both gotten rather tall, the cloak was only there to hide them in an emergency. The map showed the hallways were clear, and they ambled on their way.

"How was your night?" James asked, figuring it was only polite to inquire before dwelling on the details of his own night.

"Completely and utterly boring."

"You were with Lily's gang, were they not entertaining?"

"Girls our age are starting to bore me. I need a challenge. I swear, if I just sat there and smiled bobbing my head or babbling nonsense, it wouldn't matter. They'd still be all over me."

"Poor soul," James said sarcastically. "Don't let Wormtail hear you complaining about that, you know how he gets." Peter's problem wasn't that he couldn't find a girl. Peter's problem was he liked really pretty girls, the type that went after Sirius and wouldn't give an average lad like Peter the time of day.

Grinning slyly James added, "Rosmerta was asking you."

Rosmerta was the pretty barmaid who worked at the Three Broomsticks. Every Hogwarts schoolboy had a crush on her at one time or another. Rosmerta took it in stride, gently, but firmly putting down any boy whose crush went too far. Sirius and James were two of her favorite customers, she was a great audience, laughing at their jokes and antics and never squealing on them when they mysteriously turned up for a round of butterbeers on a non Hogwarts weekend.

"Were you in Hogsmeade?" Sirius asked sharply.

James explained to Sirius how the party had lasted longer than expected because everyone was enjoying themselves. Although Evans's parents had offered for Lily and James to sleep over, James in a guest room and Lily in her own room, Lily had quickly declined the offer. So they Flooed to Hogsmeade and realized then that they had no way to get back to Hogwarts, and since the Hogwarts staff would be asleep, they'd have to wait until early morning. They had taken a romantic stroll, which took them closer to the Shrieking Shack than James had wanted. Every shriek and howl coming out of the Shack had reminded him that Moony wouldn't be in as much pain if he had not gone with Lily. The noises had frightened Lily slightly because at one point she had grabbed his hand and did not let go. Then they had gone to the Three Broomsticks, and Rosmerta lent them an owl to contact someone at Hogwarts. She had also allowed them to hang in a back table even after the place had closed, until a carriage could be arranged to pick them up.

"I hope you got further than holding hands with Miss Evans," Sirius said suggestively.

"Oh, I wanted to. Moony advised me not to try anything. Let Lily make the moves and call the shots because she would assume I'd try something. A little reverse psychology is what Moony called it, and I think he might actually be onto something. Not only did she hold my hand, but we danced a lot, way past the obligatory one dance, and she hugged me in the common room."

"Well done, mate," complimented Sirius. "Moony does seem to have a knack with reading girls, though I haven't figured out where he's gotten this knowledge. What's he been with, two girls?"

"Something like that. I really hope Moony was ok without us."

"Wormtail and I kept him company in the Shrieking Shack for a bit. Though right before he transformed he kicked us out. I know without you we couldn't take a romp in the forest, but I figured Wormtail and I could transform and stay with him there in the Shack, but Moony refused. He said the 'wolf' would recognize our scent and believe he was being allowed to run free, and would become very agitated when he realized he was stuck indoors. I doubt that's really true; I think Moony just doesn't trust me." Sirius didn't seem at all concerned with that notion, since he was grinning mischievously.

"With good reason," James answered matching his friend's smile. "We should visit him tomorrow before breakfast."

"Just like the old days before we became Animagi," Sirius replied.

They reached the kitchens, and Sirius ordered a mug of hot chocolate, and James just a glass of water. They settled themselves along the secret corridor to the kitchen, legs stretched out, backs leaning against the wall.

"How was it being surrounded by so many Muggles?" Sirius questioned.

"They were all very normal."

"No strange rituals? " Sirius asked in mock outrage. "Or scaly skin? No foaming of the mouth?"

James laughed. Sirius had told him a long time ago the way his parents had described Muggles to him when he had been a small boy.

"I did make quite an impression on Lily's parents."

"A good impression?"

"Of course," scoffed James. "I think it annoyed Lily that her parents liked me."

"You know, you generally wait to woo the parents until you've actually captured the girl's heart."

"Hmm….well the important thing is I managed to not act like an idiot the entire time I was with her."

"Quite an accomplishment," Sirius asserted.

"How are things between Regulus and you?" James mentioned casually.

"Same," Sirius answered abruptly and too quickly for it to be an honest answer. Sirius didn't like talking about his brother, but James felt it was duty as best friend to inquire Sirius about it on occasion. James stayed quiet waiting for him to elaborate on his own time.

Sirius sighed exasperatedly. "He's become a prefect, as you know. Now that his status has risen in Slytherin he thinks even more highly of himself. And to make matters worse Snivellus has taken him under his wing."

"Did Snivelly give you guys any trouble yesterday after I left?"

"Only the usual. Making those not so quite innocent remarks alluding to Moony's lycanthropy. He knows I can't hex him into tomorrow because he'd turn around and spill Moony's secret."

The days of hexing Snape for no reason had ended after 'the prank'. They still retaliated, but in a much less degree, always having to be conscious of the hold Snivellus had on them now.

Snape also never missed a chance to goad Sirius about his estrangement from his family. Most Slytherins had at one time or another called Sirius a blood traitor, cast-off heir, and useless, but when it was Snape it always bothered Sirius the most. It never occurred to either James or Sirius that Snape's remarks stemmed from jealousy. Snape could not comprehend how Sirius could carelessly throw away a status and inheritance that could not be bought. No matter how clever or resourceful Snape tried to be, he could never achieve the status that came with the Black name.

"We'll get Snivellus back," James promised. He had halted his pranking ways, but Snape was a special case. Snape would not leave them alone, he kept asking for their attention. James would not take that lying down.

"Actually I did receive some interesting news," Sirius stated, perking up. "My Uncle Alphard died."

James nodded, but stayed silent. When it came to Sirius's family, one had to tread carefully.

"He left his entire fortune to me."

"What?" James cried. "That's wonderful. Why didn't you tell me before?"

"The family is livid. It's enough for me to get my own flat this summer, as well as anything else I fancy."

"That causes for a celebration. Do you suppose Wormtail still has that half-drunken bottle of firewhiskey?"

They hung around talking for a good hour. James was pleased to have fixed whatever problem they had between them. Padfoot could easily go from the highest high to the lowest low, and rarely was his frame of mind merely content. He was always in constant motion, always needed some sort of stimuli to keep him entertained. And it eased his mind to see Padfoot in high spirits.

* * *

Lily checked her hair in the mirror, applying a dab of perfume on her wrists and a dab of lip gloss. She had never done any of these things before going on patrol with James. Today was different because it was the first time she'd be spending time alone with him since their 'date' a week ago. 

They had both been very busy and had fallen into their usual patterns, which did not include each other.

The night with James had been, well, magical. She had been drawn to Potter, sparks had flown between them and that night she had fallen asleep with the comforting feeling of James's arms still around her.

That night felt like a dream and now she was back in reality. Back at Hogwarts, she didn't know to treat him or act around him. The way she knew how to deal with James was to yell at him and refuse his endless advancements.

"All right, Lily?" James asked cordially as they started their patrol.

"Fine. Yourself?" Lily answered back politely. Keep it polite - that was simple and reasonable.

An awkward silence followed her words. She didn't know what to say and she couldn't even look at him.

Suddenly James turned, bending down and kissed her softly on the lips. It took a few seconds for the surprise to register and when she did, she pulled back.

James turned red. "Sorry…sorry…" he mumbled running his hand repeatedly through his hair.

"Stop," Lily commanded, reaching out to take a hold of his arm. James had no idea how appealing he looked, shy and awkward, looking like a boy just caught stealing a cookie. She preferred this softer side to him than the cocky, perfect golden Quidditch star.

Lily ran her own hand carefully through his mess of hair. James stared at her, silent and still. Before she knew it, they were kissing again and Lily was kissing back. They broke apart suddenly both breathless and unsure.

Lily turned away dumbstruck. What had she done?

A boy had never kissed Lily like that before with so much passion and reckless abandonment. She'd only kissed two boys before and they had always been abrupt chaste kisses, as if they were doing something wrong.

It took some time, but eventually they found a safe topic to discuss and Lily let her guard down once again. They carefully skirted the issue of the kissing.

It wasn't until they stood in front of the impatient portrait of the Fat Lady that Lily found she had to bring the topic up.

"James, we have to keep this between us."

"The kiss?" He gazed at her thoughtfully.

"Yes," Lily replied. She stopped herself from calling it a mistake. She couldn't regret something that at that moment had felt right.

James frowned. She could tell he was confused. Their relationship had taken both a step forward and a step backward.

"I'm not ready. I-"

"As you wish."

* * *

James kept his word. She knew he had not even spilled to Sirius, who she was sure would have been unable to contain himself if he had known about the kiss. 

Outside of patrolling things stayed as they were. During patrols, they fell into a pattern of kissing more than talking, dancing around each other more than patrolling.

It was strange and wonderful at the same time. Lily worried at times that one of her friends or one of his would suspect. His eyes would always find hers, the passion in his eyes so intense, that Lily would blush furiously, uncomprehending how no one else had noticed these exchanges.

A month passed by quickly, but instead of feeling better about their relationship, Lily was doubting her own sanity. Snogging Potter on the sly? This was not something Lily Evans did. First of all she hated Potter and she had always condemned the idea of 'secret relationships'. Yet here she was, unable to stop herself, kissing James back, leading him on, letting his hand travel and linger.

She knew James cared deeply about her, perhaps even too deeply. She knew he was committed, and that was what scared her the most. She had fallen fast and hard…these romantic feelings were too much. She felt as if she were drowning. How could James be so sure of his feelings? He never analyzed or gave it a thought; he just went with the moment, forgetting about the world's expectations. He was a pureblood. She was a Muggle-born. He was a rule-breaker. She was a rule-follower. These were huge differences.

So it was almost a relief to come across the scene in front of her. A scene that last year had been all too common.

Severus Snape was hanging upside down, his wand a few feet in front of him. Remus Lupin was holding a wounded arm, trying with little success to stop the bleeding. Peter Pettigrew was bouncing on his feet looking pleased with the situation. Sirius Black had his wand pointed directly at Snape, his face contorted with malice. And James Potter, no longer looking like the boy - the man she was started to fall for - was in his usual cocky stance, his wand held loosely in his hand.

"Stop it!" Lily cried, bracing herself for any excuse Potter might have. "What are you doing?"

"Lily?" James turned around almost dropping his wand. His face drained of color and his confidence faltered at the sight of her.

"Stay out of this, Evans," Sirius instructed, her presence mattered little to him. "We're just teaching this spineless worm a much needed lesson."

"Expelliarmus!" Five wands came flying at Lily. She then pointed her wand at Snape. "Finite Incantatem."

Snape fell unceremoniously to the ground and picked himself up. "I've told you before that I don't need help from a--"

"Get out of here," Lily yelled, chucking his wand back, "or I'll take twenty points from Slytherin."

Still sneering, Snape wisely followed her instructions. He disappeared from sight, but hid around the corner to hear the redhead chew out the Gryffindors. She was one of the few to ever challenge one of the 'Marauders' and he wasn't about to miss this.

Lily whirled around, hands on her hips, to face her housemates.

"You haven't changed," Lily accused James, her green eyes flashing. Her heart was racing, but she felt better than she had in weeks. Her rising temper was an outlet of her mixed up emotions that all centered around James.

"You don't understand," James placated, his palms faced upward, unthreatening. Lily looked at him in disgust, unable to believe he had the nerve to try and excuse his despicable behavior.

"I think I understand _VERY _clearly," Lily interrupted. "You still think you can do whatever you want. You still think you rule Hogwarts and that the rules don't apply to you."

Lily threw down the wands and turned to walk away to emphasize her point. This felt better, this felt right, and this was how she was used to dealing with Potter. He'd do something stupid (usually to impress her), Lily would yell at him and then the next moment he'd be asking her out. Lily felt a satisfied smirk begin to form as she anxiously waited for his response. She was ready for the banter. She was used to relating to Potter this way.

"Oh, right. I forgot what a little miss perfect you are!"

Lily froze; the malice in his voice was disconcerting. His tone was all wrong, and she looked at him in puzzlement. He was not amused, he looked angry, his fingers curled in fists.

"All righteous and never doing anything wrong. All those morals you hold dear will fall apart the moment you step outside of Hogwarts, where everything isn't black and white." James strode mere inches from her face. "I'm sick of this! I'm sick of fitting into your standards!"

Lily was stunned. She had called him worse things and her insults had always just bounced right off him. Why did James look at her as if she'd just ripped his heart out? Where had his sudden anger come from?

James bent down to retrieve his wand and handed his friends theirs back. "We're through, Evans," James added for clarification. "Come on, Padfoot, we need to get Moony to the infirmary."

Lily watched helplessly as the boys helped Lupin to his feet, his arm still bleeding, his skin a sallow grey.

She realized too late that she had made a mistake. Left alone in the silent corridor she felt her eyes well with tears.

**Title meaning: 'Difficult point'**

* * *

**A/N: I'd like to thank you for READING and now's the time to let me know your thoughts by leaving a REVIEW!**


	5. Per Aspera

**Author's note: Thank you so much for reading my story so far. Only one more chapter after this one and this short story will be complete. I hope you enjoy this chapter!**

**Chapter Five:** _**Per Aspera**_

James was lying horizontal on his bed. He'd drawn his bed curtains though he didn't expect his privacy to last long. In the last week he'd gone from flying high to having one of the worst weeks in his life. His father's condition had just drastically deteriorated, possibly in relation to the recent murder of the Rabino family, close friends of his parents.

And then there was Lily.

All he currently wanted was to be left alone to wallow in pathetic misery. He was positive that he'd earned it. Did he regret hexing Snape? Not really. Snivellus had it coming; the Slytherin had been lucky that he'd been able to restrain himself and his friends for so long, with only a few mishaps here and there. They had been enemies since first year and the fact he was Head Boy and Lily disapproved did not erase the enmity that had been building.

Ironically, James had been trying to mollify Snivellus before things had gotten out of hand when the four of them had come across the git. Just a few sneers and insults thrown at each other intended to rile and they'd be on their way.

Snape had changed the rules when he'd thrown a dark hex at Moony; the time for niceties had vanished. James had frozen Snape, Padfoot had strung him up by the ankles and that was when Lily happened by them.

She had a lot of nerve telling him off as if he was a firstie. She had no right to tell him what he could and could not do. They were only snogging and even that had to be kept top secret. He was sick of living up to her impossible standards. Couldn't she see that he cared about her and that was bloody more important than his faults? James couldn't shake the feeling that Lily had been waiting for him to mess up, so then he'd be the reason she had to break things off, instead of sharing blame, instead of realizing she also had faults. Lily drove him crazy, but there was an awful empty feeling inside of him that if he was completely honest was because of Lily – because he missed her terribly.

"James?" The weedy voice penetrated through his curtains cautiously. James ignored the voice. Peter would go away if he just lay here quietly as if asleep. "Is it true you and Lily were intimately involved?"

'Intimately,' thought James; that wasn't a word Peter would use, which unfortunately meant that Remus and Sirius had put him up to this and that they were also in the room, and his continued silence would not deter them.

"Because if you were," Sirius's loud carrying voice added, "I might have to question our friendship. How could you forget to mention the minor, insignificant detail that you've been snogging the lady of your dreams?"

James wasn't sure where Sirius had learned of his relationship with Lily, and most likely that very information was circling, or had already circled, through Hogwarts.

"Leave me alone," James said, hoping to sound firm and threatening, but his voice had too much of a whiney quality.

"Prongs, I was speaking with Tallie, and apparently Lily is as miserable as you are," Remus stated matter of factly.

"Good," James muttered.

"I think you should talk to her. Resolve your issues and start over."

"There's no starting over. I'm through with redheads and girls with green eyes."

"Enough," Sirius proclaimed and he yanked open the curtains. He certainly had no respect for privacy. "You need to stop moping. You're going to go outside and get some fresh air and if you don't comply, Moony and I will just drag you out."

James rolled his eyes. "Fine, but I won't be any fun."

"You never are," Sirius quipped back.

"Oh, clever. I thought you were trying to cheer me up. How exactly is insulting me going to accomplish that?" James said mockingly.

"It wasn't an insult, just a fact that I think you need to come to terms with," Sirius responded gravely.

Peter snickered and James was no longer able to fight off a smile. Sirius was very encouraged by his reaction and his energy seemed to double in the time it took them to get from the Gryffindor Tower to the Great Hall. He could barely stand still, circling around them all while talking. Sirius was a grand storyteller, making a mundane story into something worthy of the front page of the _Daily_ _Prophet_.

At breakfast, which James had skipped, a trio of first years attempting to follow in the Marauders' footsteps had tried to charm the silverware to dance, but instead all the silverware had just gotten up and walked out of the Great Hall, leaving the entire student body without any eating utensils.

By the end of the story James was feeling more like himself, more confident…well as long as he didn't run into Evans. He took a deep breath as if to inhale the camaraderie and trust the four of them shared, using it to fend of the worry and emptiness inside of him.

His friendship to these three boys meant everything to him, and with this war starting - something they'd all enter into the moment of graduation - James felt as long as their chain of friendship held fast, as long as they could trust each other, two things his father said Voldemort was trying to discourage among all witches and wizards, then they'd all be safe. Then they'd all survive it through.

Outside in the fresh, albeit still brisk air, James suddenly wished he was still fourteen. It had been a glorious age where only pranks and Quidditch were important. Love was still just youthful innocence and he and everyone around him was immortal.

"Race you to the water's edge. Last one there has to buy the rest a round of butterbeers!"

They set off, James forgetting that Padfoot could outrun him on foot, though not on a broom. They fell to the ground laughing (as predicted Wormtail finished last). Most importantly James felt younger and freer.

The four of them fell into easy conversation, joking lightly with each other in a way one could only do with someone they had a long and comfortable friendship with.

James felt a sudden rush of gratitude toward his friends, who in all rights could be laughing at his failure once again with Evans or calling him an idiot, but instead they were just there.

They stayed outside as long as they could, but eventually the cold air won, forcing them back inside, but only after Sirius declared James had enough fresh air.

On their walk back, James was suddenly bombarded with thoughts and feelings of Lily. He had been repressing them for a few days, the companionship had left him unguarded and a fresh batch of emotions had surfaced. In all honesty, he missed her a lot. He remembered wishing desperately for their relationship to go public (though not in this way) and now he'd do anything to go back to those secret kisses. There was nothing to be done about it. As deeply as he cared for the redhead, he would not change who he was completely. And she clearly despised him, despite how he had tried, and perhaps it was time to move on.

* * *

The next week was not easy. He ran into Lily _everywhere_. James expected to see her in class since they were in almost all the same N.E.W.T. classes, but not run into her (sometimes literally) in the hallways, library, and school grounds ten times a day. He was starting to think there was a conspiracy set up in order to drive him mad.

Still, he stayed very calm and collected around Lily, which lent people to believe he was not very upset. Only his closet friends knew the truth. He might not be looking at her, but he always knew exactly where she was in the room. This would have continued working if he had not heard:

"JAMES POTTER MEANS NOTHING TO ME!"

Six words and he was frozen, unable to move while his heart beat wildly.

A group of sixth year Ravenclaws snickered. One of them shook his head. "I tell you, Potter, that's why I always say go after _our_ _kind_ - those girls understand the value of a proper match."

James looked at him bewildered.

"Sod off, Yaxley," Sirius said, circumventing what he probably thought would be a verbal or wand fight. Yet the boy had a point. James was very eligible bachelor; pureblood heir, wealthy, and though his family was viewed as Muggle supporters, this only teed off the very purist circles and even they still respected the Potter name. Except Lily didn't understand that, which James accepted, but why did she always have to go to the extreme? Once again, shouting to the whole school of her lack of feelings toward him.

Just then Evans rounded the corner, her temper clearly still going, but the shock of seeing the Marauders seemed to zap all the steam out of her. Her cheeks blushed red, but James didn't want to hear anything she might say. He didn't want another argument, so he fled, something he never did when presented with a confrontation.

A mixture of emotions stumbled through his mind. He was angry and hurt. He missed her and hated her. He wanted to kiss her soundly and also never see her face again. Down the hallway Jocelyn stood chatting amiably to her group of friends. She turned, giving him a very coy and inviting smile, which triggered all the memories James had of hours spent with her. James didn't miss Jocelyn in the same way he missed Lily. It was wrong to even think of Jocelyn; she'd only serve as a distraction. The thing was, James needed a distraction desperately.

"Are you doing anything tonight?" he asked.

"Maybe, maybe not," she replied with a knowing look.

Noticing Sirius making his way down, he gave Jocelyn a cool look back and joined his mate, who rapidly started talking about everything, but Lily Evans.

* * *

Lily stood rooted to her spot. James broke away from the group stalking off stiffly down the hall, hands stuffed in his pockets. Sirius spared her a fleeting look of contempt before hastily going after his best friend. 

Peter looking anxious gave her a look as well, staring straight at her with his watery eyes. "He really does like you."

He scurried in the direction his two friends had gone. Lupin stood there for a few silent moments that felt like an eternity to Lily.

"Do you need something, Remus?" Lily asked tightly.

Remus didn't react to the impatience in her voice. Instead he studied her in unbearable calmness before saying, "Peter's right, you know?"

Lily shook her head, though not because she disagreed with Lupin. She knew Potter fancied her; that had never been the problem.

"It's about time Potter got over me."

"Maybe," Remus conceded with a half-shrug. "But are you over him?"

He raised his eyebrows, nodded, and left looking pleased by the incredulous look on her face. The quick, first answer that surfaced in her mind was 'no'. It wasn't the truth, just as her outburst about Potter meaning nothing was also untrue. Though Lily was not ready to admit either of these facts.

The entire week Lily had been on edge, finally cracking when the poor second year had simply asked if she was still seeing James. She had unleashed her fury on the girl who had just been an innocentbystander. Her fury hadn't been at that particular girl, but at all the rumors and all the questions she'd been dealing with.

Lily should have foreseen such student body interest. James was Head Boy and popular, and she was Head Girl and well-liked by everyone. It had taken the rumor of her 'fight' with James longer than usual, a full three days, to fully circulate the school, having to compete with the recent disappearance of two popular _Daily Prophet _journalists.

At that time the rumors were fairly accurate, but within another three days the tales blew out of proportion. One such rumor was James had forced Snape to dig a hole in the middle of a hallway to uncover the buried treasure underneath Hogwarts left behind by the Founders and the fight had come about because James didn't want to share the loot with Lily. Lily had not talked to anyone about what really had happened, so that only fueled the rumor because only a small group of students even knew the full story.

Lily had not shared any of her thoughts, not even with Tallie. She was afraid to express her feelings; afraid of the truth. Lily had not wanted any outside opinion mixing with her own tumult of emotions. She was terrified that she missed the attention James bestowed on her. He had become a constant presence in her life without her realizing it. Somehow he had sneaked through her barriers into her life and now that he ignored her, his absence was glaring.

The care-free, arrogant James had been replaced by a silent foreboding boy, who smiled less and grew more serious by the moment. When forced to speak to her during Prefect meetings or to relay information about Head Duties, he would place a careful mask over his features, the sparkle in his eyes gone, and all the while never meeting her eyes. His focus never on her, speaking either above her, to the right of her, to the left of her. It was becoming so disconcerting that she seriously contemplated snogging him in front of all the Prefects just to get a reaction other than indifference. It was so ironic that the one thing – Potter leaving her alone, that she had wanted for so many years – had happened at the exact moment when she suddenly craved his attention.

Unable to sort out her feelings, Lily finally realized she needed advice and went in search of Tallie. She was sitting in one of the squishy red armchairs by the fire with another of their roommates, Carlie. They beckoned her towards them with grim looks.

"Did you hear what happened to Ameli?" Carlie asked. Lily shook her head mutely. She'd been so consumed by her own problems and responsibilities that she gave little thought anything outside her thoughts. It was also a way to protect herself from needless worry about the uncertain world they'd be entering very shortly.

"Her little sister was found dead and her parents are missing," Tallie relayed sadly. "No one knows why…I mean her family isn't really involved in the cause or anything…"

Lily sat down feeling ashamed. Poor Ameli's problem was ten times worse than a lover's spat.

"I know it's a shock," Carlie murmured with comforting smile towards Lily. She had taken Lily's pale face and uneasy manner with having to do with the news she had heard about their roommate.

Lily nodded. "It is...but-" She stopped herself. This was neither the time nor place to burden her friends with her superficial problems. They should be discussing what to do to best comfort Ameli.

"But what, Lily?" Tallie asked looking intrigued.

"It's nothing…really…"

"Tell us, Lily," Carlie said hopefully.

"Well I need your help…"

The two girls looked at her expectantly, almost as if she arrived with her problem at the exact time they needed it. Perhaps they were hoping to cover their worries about Ameli and their own families by concentrating on something they could have control over.

"I don't know what to do about --- about James."

"Ah," Tallie responded with a smile. She did not look surprised by her statement, as if she's been waiting for this.

Lily decided it was not the time to beat around the bush. "Specifically why he's avoiding me after our – er – our incident."

"I think you should start from the beginning," Carlie instructed.

"Yes, start at your sister's engagement party," Tallie added.

"I've told you about that already."

Tallie rolled her eyes exasperatedly. "I mean in more detail…we had a good time…blah, blah, blah…he was a gentleman…blah, blah, blah…Something must have happened then to change your relationship.

"I did have a wonderful time and nothing did change really. It wasn't until the week after during patrols that he-" Lily felt her face heat up. "-when he kissed me."

"Oh how utterly romantic!" Carlie responded with a dreamy look in her eyes.

"Did you curse him for doing that?" asked Tallie.

Lily looked down at the floor in embarrassment. "No…I might have kissed him back."

"Might have?" Tallie asked, shaking her head with a mixture of disbelief and laughter.

"Ok, I kissed him back."

"Once?" Carlie questioned.

"On that first day only once and we fell into a pattern after that."

"Kissing instead of patrolling!" Carlie said, shaking her finger. "I never thought I'd hear you say that Lily."

"But you kept it a secret?" Tallie continued.

"Yes. I wanted to keep it a secret. I wasn't sure if it was real…if it was going to last. It was so pleasant being in our own world without worrying about other people's expectations."

"How long was this going on before the incident?"

"A little over a month. I caught James with his usual crowd bothering Snape again and you know what, I was relieved. Going from loathing James to suddenly have strong affectionate feelings, it was too large a change."

Because as long as James was an arrogant berk, she had reasons to put off her feelings, to dismiss her attraction that had been there for years. Once James had straightened out, she no longer had that barrier of protection against her feelings toward the bespectacled boy. His first kiss had completely broken it down, leaving her vulnerable, and she hadn't been ready. James was so sure of his feelings, since fifth year, announcing it to Hogwarts, unafraid of rejection, spouting words of poetry. And every kiss he gave her, he was opening up more, letting their souls entwine, letting her see he had insecurities too. Making him more human, less conceited, and she did not want to deal with this idea. Every time he let her see inside of him, she in turn did the opposite, closing up.

"So you yelled at him and he yelled back at you?"

"It was so different from our usual arguments. He looked hurt and he was really angry. Look how he treats me now, as if I don't even exist to him! I just don't understand it. I've called him worse, much worse. Why now? Why _now_ does it bother him so much?"

"I think it's obvious," Carlie said, breaking the silence. "Part of the reason James played all those pranks, all those annoying antics, was to get you to notice him. And it worked, even though it was in a negative light, you still noticed him. But now he had your attention…he must have believed you fancied him in some degree. Before you showed you cared for him, your words were just words. They held less value because they didn't change anything. You wouldn't go out with him, fine, he'd try next week. You thought he was an arrogant berk, well nothing new there. Now you have – or had – a relationship with him, so your words meant more. He had more to lose this time around. You knew him on a more intimate level so if you thought badly of him now, I'm sure he saw it as a more personal attack on his character."

Lily nodded. She had yelled at James in hopes of getting their relationship back to where it was, where she was comfortable. Lily hadn't realized at the time that it was no longer possible. Their relationship, whether she was ready for it or not, had completely changed.

Lily knew what she had to do…hopefully it wasn't too late.

* * *

It was becoming clear that James Potter was avoiding her. She needed to speak to him; she needed to explain. James was always on the move whenever she was near; having to go somewhere, meet someone, and that was when he wasn't completely avoiding her. Lily had hoped to speak to him privately, but now she'd take any chance that arose. 

The chance came unexpectedly. It was a Hogsmeade weekend at Hogwarts and Lily had certainly not planned to confront him in such a public place. In the morning she had spent some time shopping with her friends, then had gone off alone for awhile. She had finished up earlier than expected and swung by the Three Broomsticks, where she was to meet up with her friends in a half-an-hour.

She looked around and the bar was crowded already with Hogwarts students. Lily spotted James sitting by himself (no Black, Lupin, or Pettigrew in sight) at a visible table in the center of the room.

She took in a large breath, gathering whatever courage she could muster. This was the perfect chance and it was lucky that she did not notice the second bottle of butterbeer on the table nor the bag next to the unoccupied chair; evidence that Potter was here with someone.

James was absentmindedly swirling the straw in his butterbeer and he jumped when Lily called out to him.

"Potter?"

He turned toward the sound of his name, his hazel eyes widening in apprehension at the sight of her.

"Evans." There was no emotion in his voice. It was just cold.

"I need to speak with you."

James twisted away from her. "I don't think that's a good idea."

"Only for a few minutes. Please?" Her own voice sounded pitiful even to her. James made a slight motion with his right hand and Lily took that as an invitation to take a seat.

As she gazed at him across the table, studying how he stiffened and wouldn't look her in the eyes, the words she'd been rehearsing caught in throat. An inevitable silence engulfed their small table and James threw her a cross look. She couldn't speak and she was wasting his time. James must think she was an idiot.

"I was out of line," she began her eyes firmly on the wooden table. "I shouldn't have told you off like that. I shouldn't have undermined your authority as Head Boy in front of your friends and Snape."

"It's a little too late for that," James replied crisply.

"I know…I know," Lily muttered. "I am trying."

"Trying?" James spat. "Trying to do what, Evans?"

"Apologize. I was horrible to you," Lily explained. "I was scared. Our relationship scared me. I really disliked you James…and suddenly I had these new feelings – romantic feelings- for a person I never even regarded as a friend."

James sat motionless and Lily plodded on with her explanation. She hoped her words were making sense.

"I'm not like you, James. You never worried about anything…you just went with your present feeling. I wish I could live like that. I wish I could just live in the present, but the more I thought about our relationship, the change in my feelings toward you, the more frightened I became."

"What were you frightened about?" James asked softly.

"Your certainty! How could you be so sure we were meant to be together? You never paused to think what everyone else would say. You're from a well-known pureblood wizard family…what would the school think, what would your parents think, what would society think, of your involvement with a Muggle-born?"

James let out a derisive laugh. "I can't believe you. Don't go blaming this on anyone else. Don't go blaming our different parentage on our break-up! _I _don't care what everyone else thinks or believes. I don't care about blood – to the hell with everyone else – that should have been enough for you."

The conversation couldn't have gone worse. Yet at least his words held emotion, at least his hazel eyes were no longer so icy, at least she had struck something inside of him, even if it didn't help her position. She was supposed to be explaining herself through her apology and not starting an argument with Potter.

"I'm not questioning your feelings for me. I was mixed up and that's why I said the things I said. It was my attempt to bring things to how they used to be, where I was comfortable-"

A flicker of something passed through James's face and Lily thought perhaps she had touched something. Suddenly Jocelyn was standing by the table looking angrily at James for an explanation. Jocelyn sat down on his lap, putting a possessive arm around him and she stared straight at Lily.

Lily hadn't been aware they had gotten back together and she felt more foolish than ever.

"Evans, I think you should go," James stated tightly.

Lily felt panic rising inside of her. She hadn't explained herself at all. She had completely ruined her one chance, so she blurted out, "I lied. When I said you meant nothing to me, I was lying. James, you mean everything to me."

Jocelyn made a noise in the back of her throat indicating she couldn't believe Lily had the nerve to speak to her boyfriend (or date) in public. James was now looking at her and not just _at_ her. His eyes had found her green ones and it was as if he were staring right through her, the intensity was mesmerizing.

"I made a- I made a mess of things," she stammered. "I thought this was what I had wanted. I thought I wanted our relationship to end. I was wrong. I hadn't realized how deeply my feelings for you had grown. All I could focus on was that I wasn't ready for the change, but it was just that I wasn't ready to admit it to myself."

Lily glanced around to see everyone in the room had their eyes on her. How long everyone had been listening, she could only guess.

"The truth was I had fallen for you, James. I'd fallen head-over-heels for you and I still am." Lily stood up abruptly, feeling her face heat. James didn't stop her. James didn't say a word. It was time to go. She raced out the door with as much dignity as was possible.

"Can you believe her nerve?" Lily heard Jocelyn declare loudly as the door behind her closed.

It was drizzling outside and Lily felt as if the sky was mourning for her. If this had been a movie or a book or a Muggle fairytale, James would have come out running after her. He would have accepted her apology with a kiss and then pronounced his love to all of Hogsmeade.

She heard the door to the Three Broomsticks open once again after her and she swirled around in hope and desperation. It was not James. It was Severus Snape. So much for the happily ever after ending…

Snape was gazing at her with disgust. He must have heard her conversation if he had been inside. He was looking at her as if she'd just severely disappointed him.

Lily recalled how in third year Potions, when Professor Slughorn had partnered her with Snape, how slowly in that year they had formed a shallow companionship. Their friendship continued into the next year, and then fifth year came about. It was in that year Lily's popularity increased, Potter's interest in her came into public eye, and Snape began to shut himself off from everyone. They were now in the middle of seventh year, Lily had multiple N.E.W.T. classes with Snape, yet she had not spoken more than two words with him.

Lily felt her eyes prickle with tears.

"He isn't worth it," Snape snarled.

Snape could have done anything with his life; she had at one time admired his intelligence, but now she saw a boy whose hatred for Potter and Black had overtaken him.

Snape viewed her as weak for falling for Potter's charms, and she could understand that.

His dark eyes swept over her with one last look of loathing. Slowly he turned his back on her, his cloak billowing behind him.

Lily had finally opened her heart to James, and he had done exactly what she had feared; he'd broken it.

* * *

_Chapter title meaning: Through the thorns…_

* * *

**A/N: Thank you for reading. You know what to do now --- REVIEW! Also for those who have been reading my 'Footsteps in Time' series, I have put an update about the status of that in my profile.**


	6. Ad infinitum

**Author's note: Surprise! This is not the last chapter because it was becoming too long, so I broke it into two chapters. Enjoy!**

**Chapter Six: **_**Ad infinitum**_

James was running at full speed from the Quidditch pitch. His footsteps thundered on the ground, crushing the blades of grass beneath his trainers. The trees blurred passed him and the sun behind him was beginning to set. If he had time he might have paused a moment to admire the spectacular reddish yellow glow the sun was emanating on the blue and gray sky. It was important and not an accident James felt that Godric Gryffindor had chosen these colors, the colors of the sun – intense, powerful, and vital for all living things, to represent Gryffindor. And it was a clear sign to James that Gryffindor clad in red and yellow would win the next Quidditch match against the blue and grey Ravenclaws.

_Where had the bloody time gone?_

He was late and not just by seconds…minutes for sure.

James couldn't remember how long ago he had dismissed his team from practice. It hadn't gone well; Chasers had acted as if their fingers were butter-coated, dropping simple passes; Beaters performed as if some other force had control of their aim; the Keeper couldn't concentrate, and their Seeker was in the hospital wing, sick with the flu.

There had been around forty minutes until the Prefect meeting. James had walked half-way back with his teammates and the Professor watching over their practice, and then had pretended to have left a textbook in the team locker room. As Quidditch Captain and Head Boy the Professor had mistakenly believed that meant he was responsible and would return to the castle straight away. James hadn't. He'd grabbed the precious time to soar through the sky alone and unchained. The rate of time always passed differently for James up in the sky, and unfortunately today it had passed very quickly without his notice.

Reaching the entrance into the castle through the courtyard, James jostled and rattled the bay doors with frustration. He almost took out his wand to blast it open when he realized in his haste that he'd tried to open the left section of the door, which was always kept locked instead of the right. Feeling incredibly foolish even though no one had been around to witness it, James hurried inside. The meeting was on the fourth floor and James took off in a run again.

"Potter!" the voice screeched through the hallway.

It was Professor Haldon, who had the same haughty, smug look that James associated with Sirius's family. He was the Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher and he hadn't taken to James. Really Professor Haldon hadn't taken to any student as far as James could tell. He held each and every one of them in contempt, as if it was their fault he hadn't made it into Auror training and had settled for teaching (or so the rumors said).

Professor Haldon surveyed him silently with superiority as James tried to bring his breathing under control.

"Why are you running?"

"I'm late, sir." His words came out forcefully. He hadn't quite caught his breath and it was not easy for James to bring his heart rate down with Haldon staring him down irately.

"Late?"

"Yes, sir," he answered politely, hoping it would win him a favor for once in this irrational teacher's eyes.

"And that is why you were running?"

"Generally running gets you places faster," James answered smartly and regretted his choice of words the moment he heard them.

"Perhaps if you managed your time better you wouldn't be late and wouldn't be in the position to have to run in the hallways, a clear offense. As Head Boy, you should be quite aware of this rule and you should be setting an example."

"I know, sir, it's just-"

"I will not have you bending the rules. Where are you off to in such a hurry?"

"Prefects meeting, sir, and I really am late. I really do need to be there, sir."

"Ah, perfect! You can tell your fellow Head Girl and Prefects to add this to their tally of Gryffindor's transgressions."

"What?" James asked confused.

"Detention with me, Potter, tomorrow night."

"But – sir, for only running-"

"And five points from Gryffindor." James fumed, opening his mouth once again when Haldon spoke firmly, "I can continue to take points off, or you can at least _appear_ sorry and ashamed for your misbehavior."

James curled his fist, but with strained politeness muttered, "Sorry, sir."

"Good. Now off you go. Walk. As now you are very late, a few more seconds will not make the difference, Mr. Potter."

James didn't bother answering. He turned the corner away from the direction Professor Haldon was walking and increased his pace to a speed walk. He did not need another Professor telling him off for running.

He found the room where the meeting was being held on the fourth floor. James paused in front of the door, placing his ear on it, trying to listen to where in the meeting they were. He couldn't hear any conversation.

Turning the knob, James entered the room. Two large tables had been pushed together and all the seats were taken except one. James grinned apologetically as all eyes turned on his entrance- he could feel a particular green set of eyes on him. By the annoyed glares cast his way, James realized the meeting had not begun and all this time they had all sat waiting for him. James took the seat next to Lily and next to Webb, a Gryffindor Prefect. Webb took in James's disheveled appearance with a devilish grin. "Got distracted with Jocelyn, eh?"

"Er – no – not exactly-"

Moony was seated next to Webb. He was looking at James in thought; giving James the impression he was trying to read his mind.

Lily glanced at him long enough for everyone in the room to notice she had. It had been only two, or was it three, days since she had approached him in Three Broomsticks. Lily looked tired and worn; her brilliantly green eyes were dull and blood-shot. Everyone in the room knew by now what had transpired in the pub, some of them had even witnessed it, and perhaps they were eager for a continuation.

Lily cleared her throat. James braced himself for a tirade about responsibility, being on time for meetings, the usual. It never came.

"We can start now. I've already taken attendance, Potter." Lily took out of the bag a full stack of papers and it was passed down to everyone. "We need you to fill this out. Professor Dumbledore has requested that we begin patrolling an hour earlier each night and double the amount of Prefects on patrol."

Various students groaned and muttered mutinously around the table.

"Potter and I will be making the schedule. Please fill out this sheet with your schedule and available nights by the end of the week and hand it in to either Potter or me. We will try to take everyone into consideration. However as Prefects, the safety of the students here is our first importance, which means all the other clubs you are involved with will have to come second. "

"Even Quidditch?" a Slytherin said snidely down the table, his eyes on James.

James did not react. He was still in shock. Lily had never, ever not taken an opportunity to tell him off. Sure, it annoyed him and he wanted her to stop it, hadn't that been the reason he'd broken things off with her? Still it seemed so unnatural and odd. He was worried about this sudden change in Lily.

"Yes, even Quidditch."

"And even the _Head Boy _must abide by these rules?" the Slytherin continued; the sentence was loaded with contempt. This time James was listening. "I find that hard to believe. He was late for this meeting. Twenty minutes late because of Quidditch. If he doesn't put his duties before Quidditch I don't see why any of us have to."

"Because these aren't my rules, but the Headmaster's," James answered evenly. "By all means, go to Professor Dumbledore and complain about my tardiness, but it will not excuse you when you are late for your patrol."

Lily, who had seemed on the verge of speech before James had spoken, looked a bit taken aback. She evidently agreed with his response. "Right. There will be no complaining. There is enough we have to deal with. We all have loaded schedules. You were all aware about these duties and a possibility of increased duties when you accepted the position."

The Slytherin did not respond, just crossed his arms and looked at them both with disdain.

"Now, Travers, you wanted to speak about setting up a charity drive for orphaned witches and wizards?"

The Hufflepuff Prefect nodded and stood up and began explaining his idea rather pompously. James tuned his words out. The idea really was clever. Travers just generally thought too highly of himself and James could not stand hearing him go on and on about it.

After Travers, a few other Prefects with different ideas for student activities stood up to speak. When the meeting ended, the Prefects exited the room rapidly as if the room contained some sort of plague; Remus mumbled something about needing to find Professor McGonagall, and suddenly James found himself alone with Lily.

She was gathering up her possessions and taking care not to bump into him, as they were seated closely, or look at him.

"Evans?"

"Yes, Potter," she said curtly. The tone reminded James vividly of Professor McGonagall.

He met her eyes and she looked almost hopeful. His stomach sank. He knew she was expecting some sort of explanation for his actions or more precisely lack of actions after she had expressed her feelings in the Three Broomsticks. He wasn't prepared for such a conversation. He hadn't anticipated being in a situation where he could even speak to her privately so soon. And anyway he couldn't say anything that would make her feel better. He was still with Jocelyn. He found dating Jocelyn was much simpler. Everything about his connection with Lily was complicated.

"Professor Haldon caught me running on my way here. I was late – and well he assigned me a detention and five points off Gryffindor."

"Ok," she said dully.

"I just wanted to tell you, so you'd add it to the record."

"I will."

"I swear I didn't mean to be late."

She made a noncommittal sound.

"Aren't you angry?"

"No, Potter, what you decide to do in your free time is completely your business. If you feel your free time is best served in detention, then go right ahead. Keep breaking the rules. I don't care anymore."

Lily stood up, her bag packed. She turned away from him without another word. She left him with only his thoughts and her words floating around in his head.

Lily had always cared. She took rule-breaking as a personal insult. Even when she hated him not so long ago, she cared about his detention record and if he caused numerous amounts of points to be docked off their house. James stood up, kicking the chair nearest to him, the one Lily had been in, in frustration and despair. The resultant throbbing toe did not lessen the hurricane of feelings inside of him.

* * *

It was impossible not to think about him. James Potter flitted in and out of her thoughts like a Snitch during a Quidditch match. With the hundreds of directions her thoughts were going – memorization of spells and potion steps, writing essays, Head patrolling, overseeing all the Prefects - it was a wonder there was room for Potter; particularly when she didn't want him inside her head. She seriously doubted she was in his when he had the gorgeous and captivating Jocelyn to distract him. 

Lily attempted for the tenth time that day to banish the bespectacled boy from her mind as she walked steadily through the halls toward the Great Hall. _Was filling her thoughts about not thinking about Potter as bad as thinking about him in the first place?_ Her stomach grumbled in protest as she adjusted the strap of the bulging bag full of school books. She had been awake already for two hours catching up on studying, and now she was starving.

Lily rounded the corner of the corridor shivering, as the weather was just starting to get colder and Lily hadn't remembered to bring a cloak. Opening the doors to the Great Hall, Lily spotted her friends, relieved that the 'marauders' were nowhere in sight, as her eyes had already roamed across Gryffindor table.

_Stop thinking about him_, she chided silently.

Lily slipped into the seat next to Tallie. Her friends fell silent casting guilty expressions, but Lily pretended she wasn't aware that they'd been speaking about her only seconds before.

"Good morning." Lily poured herself a cup of tea and grabbed a piece of toast. Her roommates watched her, assessing her mood, but Lily couldn't really complain. Her friends had been wonderful; rallying around her in support and calling James Potter every name they could think of, and then inventing a few of their own.

Her whole relationship with James was embarrassing. It was irritating being the topic of so many conversations, but it had been her fault for conducting the conversation in public. Now everyone – even the Professors - knew she 'fancied' Potter and that he had refused what he'd been after for years.

Then there was the way James had acted during the Prefect meeting, almost as if nothing had happened between them, not to mention arriving at the meeting late. Why had she waited for Potter in the first place? She couldn't remember. She could have easily handled it herself and the meeting would have been practically over by the time James would have showed, which would have been much easier. She could have at least avoided that embarrassment. Lily could still recall how all the Prefects had examined the way she reacted to James, noting how she wouldn't allow their arms to brush or how she went from the extreme of refusing to meet his eyes to staring at him for longer periods of time than was socially acceptable.

There were a lot of theories as to why Potter had rebuked her affections and not one of them made her feel better. She found it strange that very few criticized her actions – even though most of the school, unlike Lily, had known James and Jocelyn were officially together. Instead most girls thought what she'd done was romantic and had taken to throwing dirty, disdainful looks at James in the corridor, a contrast from the usual looks of admiration, which Lily was sure Potter was not accustomed to.

One thing she found annoying was how overprotective her friends had become of her. They felt in her so-called fragile state she couldn't handle seeing James and Jocelyn within a few feet of each other. She might have cried herself to sleep the night it had happened, and even the next night, but she couldn't hide away forever.

Just half a week ago on their way to Charms class, Carlie, who had been walking ahead of Lily and Tallie, turned the corner first and did an about-face, announcing she thought it was better if they took the longer, endless route to class. Tallie had started to argue, but a meaningful look that Lily did not miss passed from Carlie, and Tallie also expressed her sudden desire to change direction.

Lily sighed. "Oh, really." She swung around the corner to prove she wasn't as fragile as they perceived her, bracing herself to catch Potter and Jocelyn in a full-out snog. Rather than that, the couple was standing hand-in-hand off to the side, talking softly so Lily could not make out the words. Her heart skipped a beat; witnessing this tender moment instead of a release of hormonal urges had reawakened a lot of the pain Lily had hoped she had suppressed. Tallie and Carlie were by her side, pulling her along the hall. James and Jocelyn could hardly fail to notice three additional people ambling swiftly by them. Lily couldn't bear to look at the couple; she kept her eyes straight ahead, her focus on the empty air in front of her. So she didn't notice that James indeed watched her progression along the hall, with a look of longing and thoughtfulness, and that Jocelyn was staring at Potter with a worry that had never crossed her mind before.

Chewing on her toast, Lily noticed her friends were now looking at her, though in a different manner, as if expecting something. _Was it someone's birthday? Had she forgotten? _She racked her brain for the day and date.

"Finally done studying?" Tallie asked.

"No, but it will do," Lily answered.

"Mail already came, Lily," Carlie said pushing the _Daily_ _Prophet_ toward Lily. "I paid the owl for you."

"Thanks," Lily said. She was already apprehensively scanning the headline. It was some rumor about Dumbledore retiring his post as Headmaster to become the Minister of Magic.

Marissa Berksa looked ready to burst about something. "You haven't heard; have you?" she demanded.

"Heard what?" Lily asked. She wasn't at all eager to hear the latest piece of school gossip, but she indulged her friend.

"Potter is single again."

Lily had only been half-listening, so the information took some time to sink in.

"Didn't you hear me? James and Jocelyn broke it off," Marissa added for clarification. She looked troubled by Lily's reaction as if Lily had only been told the weather. All Lily could think about was the intimate moment between the two she had glimpsed and how that above everything else had convinced her James had genuine feelings for another girl.

Tallie cleared her throat. "It happened last night in the common room, while you were in the library. You didn't return until late, otherwise we would have told you then."

Lily remembered entering what she had anticipated to be a deserted common room, finding Sirius Black and Remus Lupin engaged in a game of chess; on the floor beside them were two opened books and half-written essays.

"'Ello, Evans," Black had greeted her, his tone vaguely warm. She nodded in return, noticing, but not understanding until now the slight smirk Sirius had been unable to hide.

"Late night?" Remus had questioned conversationally.

"Shame you missed all the _raucous_," Black added.

At the time Lily had suspected Black was alluding to the usual commotion he caused with Potter. It was rare to find a quiet moment if the duo was in the same room, which was why she usually did her studying in the library.

Lily continued to eat her breakfast as if she'd heard nothing at all important or potentially life-altering. Her friends were staring at her again.

"Are you all right?" Tallie asked softly.

"I'm fine. Really. Fine," Lily said. "I feel sorry for Jocelyn."

"For Jocelyn?" Marissa stated loudly. She did not add that she felt Lily was thinking crazily; she didn't need to, it was written plainly on her face. Lily did not feel any excitement about the news. She felt slightly detached as if she was hearing about some other poor girl's love life.

"Lily, are you sure you heard us right?" Carlie asked.

"I heard you. It doesn't matter…"

"Doesn't matter? Listen Jocelyn was brutally honest with James-"

"So Jocelyn initiated it then?"

"The fight perhaps, but it was a mutual ending of the relationship. She first accused him of not being a proper boyfriend. Something about spending more time with his broomstick and his mates than her-"

"Which I don't understand. I saw those two _everywhere_ together," Tallie interjected.

"So you just think because Potter isn't with Jocelyn, we're going to magically get back together?" She lifted her eyes to meet each of her friends' eyes one at a time. Didn't they understand how getting her hope up was futile, when in all likelihood, James would be back with Jocelyn in a few days? "We had our chance."

"You didn't let me finish," Carlie said quickly, almost desperately. "Jocelyn also said that Potter's heart belonged to someone else. It must be you, Lily. Potter's still in love with you."

"My life isn't one of your romance novels. Potter's not in love with me anymore. He's confused, going into another relationship so quickly, after our…well it was only a matter of time that he'd break it off with her as well."

"Can't you give James a second chance?" Tallie asked. "We all agree Potter was a git to not run after you at the Three Broomsticks, but he was on a date and Potter's turned into a decent fellow this past year…and-"

Tallie paused as a group of boys filtered into the room. And not just _any_ group of boys. Sirius Black led the pack; he had his usual haughty look about him, though handsome as ever. Remus and Peter walked behind him both looking tired, though Remus with his pale pallor looked worse off. Strolling behind them was James, hands stuffed into his rumpled black school robes, his hair was wet – he looked very much the part of ex-beau. The boys had to pass them on the way to their usual seats. Sirius threw them a wink while Remus and Peter merely nodded in greeting. James shuffled by without a word. Lily couldn't stop herself from watching him, he looked so sad and she didn't know what to make of the slight blush that crept up on his cheeks.

"See!" Tallie began once the boys were out of hearing range. "If that's not proof…"

"Proof of what? He didn't even look at me."

"Potter was blushing!" So Lily hadn't been the only one to notice.

"I can't. And in the end it will be better for both of us."

She supposed he could still be physically attracted to her, but she did not believe he would chase after her any longer. Lily's friends did not give up; convinced if she'd only she'd smile at him, if she only spent more time on her hair, if only she'd give Potter the opportunity, if only…

_If only, what?_ she had wanted to scream back at her friends' insistence. The castle wasn't that large. Potter had the opportunity. He hadn't taken it.

When an additional seven days passed and then ten, even her friends could blame her any longer. They even grew tired of the 'Potter' topic, turning to other things. She wished her friends had been right; she wished she'd been wrong about James. And still Potter occupied her mind, she still dreamed about his kisses. No one knew this, she had been too embarrassed to mention it to anyone, convinced that as time passed, so would her feelings about James.

* * *

James winced as the nurse briskly wrapped his sprained and swollen hand. 

"You should have come as soon as you were injured," she muttered crossly. James nodded in agreement to appease the nurse. She clearly didn't understand Quidditch. James had sustained the injury halfway through the game. At that point he couldn't just sit out – it may have taken all his strength to continue playing in the same caliber as he would have without injury – but Gryffindor had won their first game (second game of the year – first had been Slytherin vs. Hufflepuff) against Ravenclaw and it had been worth it.

"You're mad," Peter said simply as he walked beside James. Peter had waited patiently outside the Hospital Wing, since the nurse was known to treat non-patients most unkindly. "Only you would continue playing after breaking your wrist. Only you would find Quidditch more important than your health."

"It's not broken," James responded. He wanted to add that any serious Quidditch player would have done the same thing, but he could already detect an envious edge to Peter's voice.

"I'd be out of action if I broke something…that is if I didn't faint from the pain…"

"It didn't hurt much when it happened. Now it hurts like mad."

"Which is why you should have had the injury taken care of immediately. Didn't the nurse say she could have healed it completely if you had gone earlier? Instead it now has to heal on its own."

"Are Padfoot and Moony getting supplies?" James asked in hope to steer the conversation away from his injury, which was throbbing.

"Yes." Peter looked at him. "The girls around us thought you were really brave. Were you just trying to show-off?"

James gave Peter an exasperated look. "I was trying to win! Sitting out is exactly what Ravenclaw would have wanted! And when has Quidditch ever been a non-violent game?"

"Did you notice Ravenclaw was playing dirtier than usual?"

"Yea, looks like they've taken a page out of Slytherin's book."

He already suspected Ravenclaw had been aiming to injure him. It would have certainly demoralized the Gryffindor team if the Captain and highest scorer could no longer play.

"I overheard some Hufflepuffs talking. They were actively supporting Ravenclaw and they said they were tired of Gryffindor's winning streak."

"They'll have to deal with it for one more year; I intend to win this year as well."

Ever since James had joined the team in his second year, Gryffindor had won the Quidditch Cup consecutively. Before that Slytherin House had a monopoly on the Cup, and James had always been under the impression that Ravenclaw and Hufflepuff (whose teams had been on the weak side the past six years) would rather have Gryffindor win if it at least stopped Slytherin from winning. He felt it was the most important year to win it, with the majority of the Slytherins if not out right siding with Voldemort, at least sympathizing with the pure-blood extremists.

James tried to remember exactly how it had happened. He'd been barreling down the path toward the opposing goal when he'd passed the Quaffle to a fellow Chaser. His path had been blocked by a Ravenclaw player, and James had to violently swerve to the right to avoid collision. The only problem was he'd swerved straight into two Bludgers, both finding their mark on his left arm. He was lucky neither had slammed into his skull or he'd still be unconscious.

Worry about Ravenclaw's strategy abated the moment Peter and James entered the common room. The celebration was in full swing and all the Gryffindors erupted into cheers at the sight of their valiant captain. James weaved his way through the room, stopping here and there to accept compliments or discussion of the game. Some Gryffindors were already planning on getting Ravenclaw back, and when three or four people began speaking about sabotaging Ravenclaw's broomsticks, James felt it might get out of hand. He told them in serious voice, "Best way to get revenge is win the cup." He was surprised how quickly they all agreed. James had expected them to laugh at him, but he was slowly gaining respect from the student body as worthy of Head Boy.

Peter, hungry as usual, headed straight to the table piled with food nicked from the kitchen. James walked to the edge of the room, leaning against a wall near a window, so he could look outside. He already wished to be back on his broom away from responsibility. For once he didn't want to deal with a room of admirers; he didn't want to be in the thick of the party. He wanted to be released from the physical bounds of the earth. It was a shame he couldn't live in the air. The closest feeling he got to flying was romping through the woods as a stag with his mates, and perhaps dancing with Lily – but he wasn't supposed to be thinking about her. If he was thinking of any girl it ought to be Jocelyn. He'd been upset initially about their breakup, but it hadn't lasted long. In the corner of his eye, he noticed Alex Carter's furtive glances at him, for Jocelyn was openly flirting with the bloke, and Alex didn't look keen on the idea. After all James was known to hex guys who went after his former girlfriends or even girls he was interested in, but James couldn't find the energy to even fully look over at them.

"Ah, there's the Captain." Rose Jollen, a fellow Chaser, sidled up next to him. "Feeling introspective tonight?"

James laughed. "A bit."

Glancing down at his bandaged wrist and arm she said, "So you were injured. I knew it."

"This? It's only a scratch. You flew excellently today."

"You as-"

"Oi, mate! There you _are_!" Sirius was approaching them carrying two bottles of butterbeer; he handed the unopened one to James. "Jollen, you're looking quite lovely tonight…those mud spots on your robe are so artistically splattered." The whole team was still in their Quidditch robes as customary in an after match celebration.

"I hope that's not your best attempt at flattery, Black."

Sirius and Rose continued to speak, but James's mind was not following their conversation. His roaming eyes had spotted Lily. She was seated with her back leaning on the armrest of one of the red couches, her knees bent, speaking enthusiastically to Tallie, who was seated cross-legged beside her. Lily's cheeks were still flushed from the cold air outside or perhaps from the fireplace she was seated near. If things had turned out differently he could be the one next to her instead of Tallie. He could be the one making her laugh.

"You agree with me don't you, Potter?" Rose asked, breaking through James's thoughts.

"I – er- what?"

"Never mind." Rose was shaking her head sadly as if she found him to be a lost cause. "I'll see you boys later."

Rose walked toward her own friends pausing for a second to look back at Padfoot. _Was Rose interested in Sirius? Did Padfoot fancy her back?_ James didn't mind, but he hoped Sirius wasn't planning on pursuing her tonight. Tonight he needed some good ol' male bonding.

"You nicked a lot of food," James stated with a grin.

Sirius let out his bark-like laugh. "Nicked? You know how those house-elves are – more food they can give you, the happier they are. We did have to use our last supply of butterbeer from Hogsmeade."

"Are you up to charming Rosmerta for some more?"

"I could do it in my sleep," Sirius replied smugly. There was a distinct pause. "Why don't you just talk to her?"

"Who?" James asked with feigned innocence.

"Evans. You've only been staring at her for the past ten minutes."

"I haven't. I didn't even know she was in the room."

"Rubbish. Have you even spoken to her since your conversation in the Three Broomsticks?"

"Yes. We have to speak to each other as Heads."

"I've heard the conversations you've had with Lily." Ordinarily James would have been very pleased for Moony to join them, but he had a feeling he was going to be lectured at. Sure enough:

"I'll tell you, Padfoot, I've had more stimulating conversations with a doormat."

James cast Moony an annoyed look. As Prefect, Remus was the only Marauder privy to their stilted and overly polite conversations.

"Are you interested in Rose, Padfoot?"

"Jollen? Perhaps," Sirius said with a smirk. "Bless him, Moony, dear Prongs is attempting to change the topic."

"Change what topic?" Peter asked, his mouth half full with a piece of tart. He'd joined them now too.

"What do you think?" Sirius said enjoying James's discomfort.

"Lily?"

"Ding! Ding!" Sirius said and he looked back at James. "Go talk to her."

"You can't expect us to be bosom buddies after…I almost wish things were back to the way they were before; when she couldn't stand the sight of me," James stated, attempting to explain his position.

"From what you told us," Remus began, "at the Three Broomsticks, it sounds like Lily really has grown to care for you."

"That was weeks ago!"

"You owe her at least a better explanation than just-"

"Just dismissing her feelings," Sirius added.

"How could I run after her? I was on a date with Jocelyn."

"Which was your first mistake. You should have never gotten back with Jocelyn."

"Why not? I liked Jocelyn!" He had thought his friends had been relieved he'd gotten back with her. Apparently they'd seen through his farce – Evans had never been far from his mind.

"No, you enjoyed snogging Jocelyn," Remus remarked.

"What's wrong with that?" He figured it wasn't the best time to mention he'd enjoyed kissing Lily even more even though she'd been less experienced.

"Normally nothing," Sirius replied, "great snogging is the perfect stress reliever. Only at the time we all knew you had real deep feelings for another girl. Jocelyn saw it too, let me remind you."

"You don't even like Evans," James accused Sirius.

"She's growing on me. She must have mellowed out to give an arrogant berk like yourself chance."

"Thanks a lot, Padfoot," James said dryly.

"I mean that in the most sincere way."

"So you'll speak to her?" Remus asked.

"Now?" James looked at Lily again. Lily wasn't just surrounded by her roommates; it seemed like there were several layers of girls from other years around her. He thought of the scene his approaching Lily would likely cause.

"No time like the present," chirped Peter.

Lily was laughing now…the jovial sound floated from where she sat to James. He remembered how he used to be able to make her smile and laugh, yet at the same time how many instances had he angered and disgusted her with his antics. He had foolishly thought those type of things would impress Lily, like so many other girls. He hadn't seen Lily looking so carefree in awhile and he knew if he spoke to her now, he'd wipe that smile away and take that light out of her eye.

"She looks happy…I'd only upset her. I've upset her enough."

"Upset her? James you've already _upset_ her by ignoring her." James could tell from his tone Remus was getting rather impatient with him. "We could all understand how frustrated you were when she wanted to keep your relationships secret and your anger with her when she yelled at you in front of Snape, even if what you were doing _was_ against the rules-"

"Remus…" James said warningly.

"I know. I know. You were defending me," Remus muttered with a wave of his hand. "Just remember the same girl that was so afraid of showing the public her affection for you, then went and poured out all her feelings for you in front of half the school, which became the whole school after word spread."

"I can't," James said shortly.

"No, you won't," responded Sirius. "Doesn't Lily deserve a second chance? For Merlin's sake, we've been trying to get you to forget about Lily for ages and now when the chance is there, you won't bloody well take it!" Sirius turned to look at Peter waiting for him to say something in relation to the topic, preferably for his side of the argument. Peter looked away apprehensively, not wanting to get further involved.

"I can't. Can't you understand that?" James slid a hand through his ruffled hair. "I want to enjoy tonight's celebration without-"

"Potter! Get your arse over here, we're doing a team toast," Herlon, Gryffindor's Keeper, called out.

"Be right there," James shouted back. He shrugged at his friends not bothering to continue his sentence; he had a feeling they already knew how he would have finished it. He wanted Lily out of his mind.

Remus and Sirius were frowning.

Peter seemed eager for the topic to be dropped. "I'll come."

"You aren't on the team," Sirius said condescendingly. Peter turned red. _Was Padfoot not aware that Peter had a crush on Gryffindor's Seeker?_

"It's just a toast, not some kind of secret meeting," James said. When neither Padfoot nor Moony made another comment he half-smiled at Peter and stated, "Right let's go, then."

As he walked toward his teammates, he could hear Sirius mumbling something to Remus. He glanced back, and from the look the two exchanged James knew they had discussed this whole matter before and he had reacted in the exact way they'd thought he would.

Taking a glass from Herlon ("Here's something a bit stronger than butterbeer."), he ignored the guilt he was feeling.

"To Gryffindor!"

"To another year of Quidditch cup winning!"

"Go Lions!"

James lifted his glass in salute and drained it. The liquid burned down his throat slightly. His teammates launched into a discussion of the match, which Peter joined, but James only followed half-heartedly.

If he didn't want a second chance with Lily, then why did she still linger in his mind? Why couldn't he forget her as easily as all the other girls he had dated?

* * *

James finished the last touches of the new Prefect patrolling schedule. His eyes fell on Lily's silhouette two tables from where he was sitting in the library. He remembered his late grandfather once telling him that he loved nothing more than watching James's grandmother sleep. At the time James was only ten and found that notion very silly. Now he could suddenly understand it. 

Lily had fallen asleep on top of her books. Her silky auburn hair splayed over her back, her porcelain skin glowed in the warm light in the room; it was all very distracting. He still found Lily as captivating as ever. Their argument had never dispelled his feelings; it was only in his mind, through his thoughts, that he had convinced himself otherwise; his heart knew the truth.

She and James were supposed to be working on the schedule together. James had arrived at the library to find Lily fast asleep and instead of waking her had decided he was more than capable of putting the schedule together on his own.

He could hear the librarian announcing in an amplified voice that the library was closing shortly. Lily still did not stir.

Sighing and gathering all his courage, he silently walked over to her table. He was suddenly afraid to touch her. He was remembering how his hands had traveled along the contours of her body in the secluded corners of the castles corridor. Gently, so his fingers barely touched the fabric of her robe, James shook her slightly. "Evans?" There was no response. "Evans!"

Lily woke up with a start, looking around disoriented. "What's going – Potter?"

James stepped back guiltily.

"What time is it?"

"The library's about to close so-"

"What? It's that late already! I've got loads of work to do! Oh! And the Prefect schedule! Where have you been?" she demanded more crossly than the situation required.

"I've been here since I was supposed to. _You_ were the one sleeping," James reminded her. "Never mind though… the schedule is done."

"Done, did you say? All on your own?" There was a skeptical note to her voice that riled James.

"I am capable putting a simple schedule together!" James retorted, and in the quiet setting the decibel of his voice was amplified more than he'd intended. Regaining his composure he continued, "I didn't want to wake you. I figured if _you_ had fallen asleep in the library, you must be really tired…"

"I was," she said softly, her cheeks which had been rosy from sleep reddened even more. "I know you are capable."

"You just need to sign the bottom of the sheet and then I'll give it to Professor Dumbledore."

Lily tilted her head slightly, her expression inquisitive. She was obviously trying to read the intentions of his actions. James placed the schedule she needed to sign on the table. Lily fished for a quill out of her bag and signed the bottom with a flourish.

"I'll go then-"

"Wait, you said the library was closing?" Lily asked.

"Yes."

"Are you going back to the Tower?" Lily said, trying to make the question sound nonchalant.

"I was," James answered giving her a look of bewilderment before catching onto her meaning. "It's probably not safe for you to walk the hallways alone this late. I could wait for you."

"Thanks," Lily said appreciatively.

Smiling slightly she turned her full attention on packing up her books and papers scattered on the table. When Lily looked up again, James had moved two tables down from hers to pick his stuff up, and Sirius had popped out of nowhere.

"Prongs, there's a problem with-" Sirius stopped, noticing Lily for the first time. He gave Lily an odd look.

"What's the problem, Sirius?" James asked, ignoring Lily and Sirius's silent questioning look about Lily.

"Peter can't figure out that _potion_," Sirius said, stressing the word potion.

James knew immediately what Sirius was talking about. Though Peter was not adept at Potions, he had found a rather simple perfume potion. Peter was brewing it as a surprise present for his mother's birthday. James had a feeling if it was successful, Peter would also send it to the girl (Gryffindor's Seeker) he fancied in order to get in her good graces.

"Well I'm off," Lily said.

"You don't want me to walk you back?" James asked keeping his voice neutral.

"I'm fine." Her tone was slightly chilly. "Pettigrew obviously needs you more than me."

James watched her leave speechless. The pleasant feeling that had been forming inside of him, the feeling he associated with Lily, vanished.

"What? You were going to walk back with Lily?" Sirius demanded the moment Lily had walked away.

"I was…"

"Go on! Catch up with her! Walk her back! Wormy can wait a few more minutes!" Sirius was pushing him in the direction Lily had gone.

"You're reading into something that wasn't there, Padfoot. I was just being – er - chivalrous."

"Chivalrous?" Sirius asked with amusement.

"Yes, polite, gracious, charming…"

"I know what it means. I just thought…"

"You thought wrong," James said firmly ending the discussion. "Why couldn't Wormtail just buy perfume like a normal person? I hope it's not too late to counteract the effects, you know how every second counts when it comes to that sort of thing. Where is he?"

"In the roomy secret passage behind that hideous tapestry…"

James had a sudden feeling as he walked beside Sirius out of the library that he had blown an opportunity to set things right with Lily. _Why did opportunities like this always arrive when he least expected it? If he had walked Lily back to the Tower would anything had happened? Would anything between them have changed? Should things change between them? Why couldn't mind-reading be taught at Hogwarts? _A skill like that had its uses. Then he could have read Lily's thoughts…perhaps figured out what she had wanted… if there was any chance to rekindle what they had once had. Though how much that would have helped he wasn't sure, because he didn't even know what he truly desired.

It didn't matter now anyway; the time had come and gone.

**Chapter title meaning: **_**In the meantime…**_

* * *

**Author's note: Now that you've read this chapter, the next best course of action is to review!**


	7. Sic erat in fatis

**Disclaimer: The wonderful world, characters, places, ideas, plots all belong to J.K. Rowling. I am humbly borrowing these ideas for entertainment purposes only. **

**Chapter Seven: **_**Sic erat in fatis**_

Someone was calling her name. The sound emanated from the sky above.

"Miss Evans?"

The voice sounded oddly like Professor McGonagall's. It was odd because she was currently dashing through the Forbidden Forest in pursuit of… _something_. Lily came to a halt unable to remember why she was running or why she was even in the Forbidden Forest.

"Miss Evans!"

Startled, Lily suddenly found herself not surrounded by trees, but sitting next to Tallie in Transfiguration class. McGonagall was frowning at her, her thin mouth taut in disapproval. Her classmates were watching her curiously.

"Sorry?"

"Are you with us, Miss Evans?"

"I – yes, yes, Professor." Strange how she still felt out of breath, as if she really had just stopped running. _Had she been dreaming or just day-dreaming?_

"Can you answer the question then, Miss Evans?"

Lily had no clue as to what the question was. She hadn't been listening or paying attention. Flushing with embarrassment, she shook her head. "No, Professor."

"See me after class, Miss Evans. Now Mr. Lupin, can you list for the class the three things you must always concentrate on carefully before attempting any sort of human transfiguration?"

Lily vowed to stay attentive for the rest of class, refusing to let one thought stray from the topic of human transfiguration. It was disgraceful enough to be apprehended once by McGonagall in class, she did not want to risk it happening again. She was usually the one telling others off for not concentrating during a lesson; not to mention as Head Girl she shouldn't be committing such minor infractions. Usually Lily had no trouble staying attentive; she sincerely found most subjects interesting, so it was bothersome that her mind had wandered for no apparent reason.

When class ended, Lily fumbled with her bag as her classmates exited the classroom. "I'll wait for you outside," Tallie whispered with an encouraging smile.

Professor McGonagall waited until the last student, which happened to be Peter Pettigrew, leave the room. The door clicked closed and McGonagall stood up. She didn't look as upset as Lily had thought. "Is everything all right with you, Miss Evans?"

"Yes, Professor. Everything is fine. I'm sorry about what happened in class. My mind just drifted."

"It happens to the best of us, and ordinarily I wouldn't be worried, except the other Professors have also noticed your inattention in class. Professor Slughorn especially was concerned with the last potion you brewed, saying it wasn't up to your usual standards."

"I've just had a lot on my plate, Professor. I've had some trouble managing my time, but I'll figure it out."

"I know sometimes it is hard to separate our social problems from school. Now don't look so shocked, Miss Evans, after all, we teachers were all students at one time. We are also all aware of the _complications_ between Mr. Potter and yourself."

By the time McGonagall finished speaking, Lily's face was as scarlet as a tomato. She had known the teachers were generally more aware of the social behaviors of their students than most believed, but to have McGonagall actually refer directly to Potter by name, was rather mortifying.

The last time she'd spoken to Potter had been in the library. _What had she been thinking that night? Asking him to accompany her back to Gryffindor Tower? What had she been hoping for? That their route would take them back to the hallway where they had their first kiss?_ It was for the better that Sirius Black had appeared and broken her out of those ridiculous thoughts.

"There are also other concerns, Miss Evans. The quality of your schoolwork, though still above average, has fallen from your usual standard, and it would be a shame for your grades to fall your last year. I know I don't need to remind you of the importance of N.E.W.T. year." McGonagall paused and she appeared to be debating about the best way to continue. "I have never advocated sugar-coating the truth to my students. I am sure you have noticed the Anti-Muggle-born movement in the Ministry? The rate of them hiring Muggle-borns has dropped significantly. If there is a job opening and it is between you and a pure-blood or even a half-blood, they'd take the one of purer blood. It is utter nonsense, but unfortunately that is the reality we face. It would not be wise to give them the opportunity to deny you a job you rightly deserve. The best way to ensure the Ministry takes a proper look is to receive the highest N.E.W.T. marks possible."

"Has it really gotten that awful out there, Professor?"

"It is only the beginning I'm afraid."

"I'll work harder. I do not plan on slacking on my studies."

"I know you will, Miss Evans. That is all, you are free to go."

Lily snatched up her bag eager to leave the room.

As Lily pushed the door open to leave, McGonagall called, "May I suggest you go to sleep earlier tonight. A rested mind sometimes helps put things into perspective."

"I will. Goodbye, Professor," Lily added.

Tallie was waiting and she gave Lily a smile. "So? How'd it go? Was McGonagall rough on you?"

"No." Lily frowned unsure if she should even mention to Tallie all that McGonagall had discussed. "She just gave me a warning that next time she'll take points off."

"Lucky you. I suppose it's because you never get in trouble and that you're Head Girl."

Tallie was now staring off at a group of Hufflepuff boys who were gallivanting by them. "I was thinking of asking George Porter to the next Hogsmeade visit. What do you think?"

"Porter? Well he's okay." He was a nice fellow, average in looks, grades, and personality.

"Not my first choice."

"And who was your first choice?"

"Don't laugh, but Sirius Black."

"Back on him again?" Lily asked with a smirk.

"I overheard a fourth year – _a fourth year_ – we were never that brash – asking him. Black declined the invitation because they were planning a 'boys only' day. Sort of sweet, I suppose."

Lily nodded absentmindedly. She opened up her bag to find her lip balm only to spot a package wrapped in gold tissue paper sitting innocently on top. Lily lifted it out of the bag; it was light and soft to the touch.

"What's that?"

"I don't know." Lily looked around the deserted hallway half expecting for the owner of the unknown package to acknowledge his or her presence. "Did you see anyone go near my bag during class or while everyone was leaving?"

"No. Go on, open it."

Lily carefully untied the red bow around the package and the tissue paper dissolved away leaving in her hand a pair of beautifully white woven mittens intertwined with gold and sliver thread. Lily couldn't believe her luck. She had forgotten to pack her mittens from home and her mum had not been able to find them to owl them over. She remembered complaining about it in the common room two nights ago and wondered if someone had overheard. Though why send it to her anonymously, if someone had an extra pair lying around, why not just offer it to her?

The mittens were as soft as a kitten's fur and they gave off a warm glow. She tried them on to find a perfect fit and her hands were instantly warmed.

"I think there's a warming spell on them, though I'm not sure what's making them glow like that…" Lily said taking them off and placing the mittens carefully in her bag.

"It might be specially treated wool. Well someone's looking out for you, Lily. Come on, we better get to History of Magic."

* * *

Lily placed her new pair of mittens into the beautifully wooden carved box, the second gift she'd received over the past three days. She felt the gifts belonged together; positive they came from the same person. The box, though it had only made of cardboard at first, had been sitting on the windowsill of the girls' dormitory. Lily had opened it and seven beautiful butterflies had fluttered out, each spiraled around her three times, leaving a trail of glittering silver. Then each had flown over to the cardboard box, landing on it; when the seventh butterfly landed on the box, it had started glowing and the butterflies had vanished, and the beautiful box that was currently in her hand had appeared. 

Lily placed the box on gently her bed and headed down to the common room. The common room was half empty and none of her friends were around, scattered in different areas of the castle. Lily took a seat and decided to compose a letter to her parents who she hadn't written in awhile.

_Dear Mum and Dad,_

Lily stared at what she had written. At one point, a few years back, she might have added her sister's name too, but not anymore. Their relationship had been severely damaged and Lily knew it would take a miracle for them to be close again.

Lily picked up her quill, but could not put into words what had been going on with her life. She supposed she could have concentrated on school, but her parents barely understood the subjects she was taking. She most definitely did not want to mention Potter, though her parents had inquired about him.

Giving up on the letter now, she let her eyes wander around the room. Across the room from her near the windows Black, Pettigrew, and Lupin were stationed. Lily knew Potter was at Quidditch practice. Black and Pettigrew were engaged in a game of wizard chess and by the frown on Black's face, Peter was winning. Lupin was bent over an essay looking stressed and annoyed.

Not really knowing why she felt the need, Lily stood up and approached Lupin.

"Having some trouble, Remus?"

Lupin had been concentrating so hard on his work that he hadn't heard her footsteps and looked up with a start. "Hello, Lily. Yes."

Glancing over his shoulder she did not recognize the book nor subject he was writing about.

At her questioning look, he explained, "It's for extra credit. When I miss class when I'm – er – ill, Professor Slughorn lets me make it up this way. He was never keen on the idea of my coming by in the evening to actually brew the potions I've missed. I've never been exceptionally adept at it."

"You've got the properties of the moon-leaf and bear-tufts mixed up," Lily said reading over what he had written.

"Don't both ingredients essentially do the same thing? Bring heat and moisture to the potion?"

"Yes and no." She sat down flipping through his book. "Here, read this passage and this one, it will explain the differences."

She spent about fifteen minutes helping Remus finish up the essay. As he was rolling up it, Lily began to feel uncomfortable, for there was really no reason for her to continue sitting there.

"King to E6! Checkmate!"

"I swear your new chess board is rigged," Sirius grumbled. "You never used to win so often."

Peter tried not to smile too widely, but Lily could tell he was ecstatic he could beat his brighter friend at something.

"Why are you taking N.E.W.T. level Potions anyway?" Lily questioned. She wanted to delay having to return to her letter writing or any of her other obligations. Most students favored wand-waving subjects over the subtle art of potion-making. "Do you need it for the career you're interested in?"

"I don't mind the subject. I just don't have any natural instinct in it I suppose. Not like you at least."

Lily grinned, slightly embarrassed by the compliment. "So what career are you interested in?"

Remus stiffened a little at the repeat question. "Oh – I don't know." Lupin looked very uncomfortable by the innocent question and he quietly continued, "Teaching maybe…if anyone will hire me…" He began flipping through his textbook so he could avoid looking at her as he spoke.

Lily wanted to know more, but her next question never left her lips.

"I want to join the resistance!" Sirius called out from behind them.

Lily raised her eyes, her focus off Remus just as Sirius had intended.

"What resistance?"

"Against Voldemort," Sirius responded loftily, standing up and taking a seat next to Remus. Just like James, Sirius had no problem saying Voldemort's name aloud. It wasn't that Lily was frightened of using Voldemort's name; she'd just never thought it through, simply following what most of the student body did.

"Please don't use that name!" Peter said shivering slightly.

"Why not? It's only a name. What's he going to do? Apparate into Hogwarts and hunt me down."

"You're looking for trouble," Peter insisted.

"There's an organized resistance?" Lily asked skeptically, wanting to know more. The _Daily Prophet _had certainly been quiet about such an existence. There were lone witches and wizards here and there brave enough to take a public stance against You-Know-Who, but they were few and far between. It was understandable since most of the out-spoken people had a habit of vanishing or being killed in suspicious circumstances.

Not to say the majority agreed with it all; especially about complete purification of magical blood lines. That meant most families would have to _prune_ some relative off their family tree. The lure of power though, the idea of being able to lord over Muggles and those of impure blood, was tempting enough that they could just ignore the reality of how they would have to achieve such a society.

Lowering his voice, Sirius explained, "Rumor is Professor Dumbledore started it. It's not large and for now the safest bet for them is to keep a low profile. The moment their identity comes to light, I'm sure the Death Eaters will start hunting them down one by one. I heard last year family members of mine complaining about some of the problems they've been causing. They've been trying to sway pure-bloods against Voldemort's doctrine, especially those high in the Ministry. As a whole, not very successful, but it's better than doing nothing. Even if all they do is slow things up, makes it harder for the Death Eaters." His dark hair falling causally over his eyes, demeanor earnest, talking about such principles, Lily barely recognized the boy in front of her.

"Professional rebel. Perfect job for Sirius, don't you think, Lily?" Remus commented dryly.

Lily nodded, laughing.

"Doubt it pays well," Peter muttered. "I don't have a family inheritance to fall back on."

"I don't either," Lily said consolingly. "I never thought things would get this far. McGonagall told me it would be near impossible as a Muggle-born to get a job in the Ministry soon…"

Sirius's gaze darted to Remus who had paled slightly. As far as Lily knew Remus was a half-blood, she couldn't understand what they were worried about.

"So do I have another recruit, Evans?"

Lily contemplated the question, twirling absentmindedly a strand of her hair.

"How can you start recruiting for something you aren't even a member of, Padfoot?" Remus said.

"I will be, as soon as I'm out of school. James will be joining as well."

Like James, Sirius had not changed completely, still having that haughty air about him, but to talk about joining a resistance, risking his life, showed a different, mature side. Knowing Sirius and James were pure-bloods and were not content with sitting back, which would have been the easier, safer choice, made their efforts all the more valiant.

"How is James's father doing?" Lily asked suddenly. She hadn't the nerve to ask Potter, but it had been something that had been on her mind. She had not expected the reaction she'd received. Sirius who'd been stretching back lazily on the couch sat up straight suddenly, Remus dropped the quill he was holding, almost knocking his ink over when he went to pick it up, and Peter stared at her, mouth slightly agape.

"What's the matter?" she asked concerned. _Had something happened that she hadn't been aware?_

"_He_ told you about that?" blurted Sirius. "He told you his father was sick?"

"Well, yes," Lily responded. "He told me in the beginning of the year."

"James has never told anyone. _Anyone_, Lily. Just the three of us..."

They were all gazing at her differently now, as if she suddenly possessed some impressive power. Lily had always been aware that James had opened up completely to her, which made his detachment towards her all the more odd.

"How is his father then?"

Sirius frowned, gesturing into the air. "Hard to tell really…James barely even talks to us about it. Not any worse from what I can tell."

"So does anyone want to play another game of wizard chess?" Peter questioned, breaking the solemn silence. "Padfoot?"

"Only if I get to be black."

"I've been winning with black…"

"Black's my last name though!"

"Moony?"

"Sorry, Pete. I have another essay to work on."

"I've never learned to play chess," Lily stated.

"Really?" Peter related observing her eagerly. "I'll teach you." He turned red suddenly at his boldness. "If you want, that is."

"Sure." Lily stood up taking the seat that Sirius had occupied minutes ago. "I know a little. I just can never remember what all the different chess pieces can do."

"This is Wizard chess, which is a lot more exciting than Muggle chess," Peter explained.

For the next half-an-hour Peter coached her on the rules. He explained about his boring summer where he only had his mother and crazy uncle, who was obsessed with the game, which was where he had sharpened his skills and why he was suddenly able to beat Sirius. Eventually out of boredom, Remus had begun other homework, Sirius pulled up a chair to watch the game, whispering pointers to Lily during her first match.

It was in this arrangement that James Potter found them all in, giggling at some comment that Sirius had uttered; though the moment the familiar messy- haired boy walked in, she instantly forgot the witty words. James looked weary, as did his teammates, who staggered and stumbled into the room after him. Potter didn't seem to notice her at all as he flopped onto the vacant couch across from Remus that she'd been perched on before. She noted how he closed his eyes, his body calm, relaxed and then abruptly opened them. Half sitting up, James did a double-take in the direction of her and his two mates.

"Think fast, Black!" Herlon, who was Keeper on the team, was shooting a bright circle of light directly toward Sirius. Black whipped out his wand, reflexes honed from dueling practice. On his feet he instantly caught the light with his wand and sent it flying back at Herlon. The boys circled the common room attempting to distract the other by making the light change colors, shape, or pattern as it whirled and whizzed between them.

Peter had abandoned the chess board to inch closer to the boys. All eyes in the common were on the boys, Lily included, until Potter slipped into the chair Sirius had pulled up.

"What are you doing?" he hissed. His gaze was piercing; confusion and worry in his voice.

"Pettigrew was teaching me how to play chess."

"Peter? Teaching you?"

"He knows the game quite well…"

"Why though? You've never spent anytime with them, _with my friends_, before."

"Do I need your permission? Do they need your permission?"

"Why?" he repeated. His hand was covering hers; his touch causing an exhilarating shiver.

"I thought it was obvious."

James looked taken aback.

"James, have you been sending me gifts?" She'd been hoping it was James…more than hoping, convinced it was just a way of slowly opening up to her again. Tallie, on the other hand, didn't feel it was very _Potter-ish_, saying James was usually very direct about things and had never been secretive before about his feelings for her, so why start sending anonymous gifts now. It didn't fit with his character.

Lily waited for his answer still as a statue.

"Gifts?" He took his hand away from hers. The warmth of his touch and the invisible connection vanished.

He shook his head.

Her stomach plummeted, disappointment crushing her hope.

"Prongs!" Sirius had decided to add his best friend into the game, the light now purple and heart shaped, was rushing toward James.

With reflexes so quick even at a time like this Lily couldn't help admire, James had his wand out and he caught the light. Instead of zooming the light back toward Sirius or Herlon, he swished his wand up and down, vanquishing the light. "It's too crowded in here. You'll trample the first years."

Students groaned around them, though no one dared to disobey Potter. Sirius was in shock; it was rather jarring to see James telling off someone else for showing off. Herlon pocketed his wand and pretended he hadn't just been involved. Lily was having trouble hiding her despair at Potter's attitude and comment. She didn't have to pretend for long; James was already heading to the boy's dorm having announced he was taking a shower. She was left alone again unsure why James had reacted the way he had.

Sirius glared at Lily. "What did you say to him?"

* * *

Stepping out of the bathroom, into the dormitory, James tugged on a red t-shirt, his hair still dripping wet. He didn't bother toweling his hair dry; there was something more important to deal with at the moment. 

James began speaking without acknowledging the other occupants of the room. "You sent her the gifts without my permission." It was statement not a question. Before his shower, while he'd still been alone in the dormitory, he'd searched his trunk, finding the mittens and box he'd purchased missing. Lily had received them somehow and she'd thought he'd sent them.

Sirius and Peter were seated on Peter's bed and Remus was on his own bed. They all had guilty expressions.

Peter was the first to admit it. "I was the one to hide the mittens in her schoolbag at the end of Transfiguration class," Wormtail stated apologetically. "Sirius and Remus were responsible for the box though."

"You did buy them for Lily," Remus reminded James. "They were intended for Lily."

"So what?" James demanded.

"What were you waiting for?" Sirius asked.

"For the right moment. You had no right." His mind was discombobulated, not just from this, but from seeing Lily hanging out with his mates. Laughing with his mates, his friend teaching her chess... Finding them like that had disoriented him - it wasn't really jealousy- it had felt as if he'd made a wrong turn somewhere ending up in parallel universe. It was the surprise of just seeing them like that without any warning… Lily's reason was apparently 'obvious'.

"When would have been the right time? After she agreed to go on a date with Merowit?" mused Sirius.

"What?" he spluttered. "Merowit? The Hufflepuff? She's interested in _him_?"

"Does it matter? Merowit _is _interested in her, Prongs."

"She'd never say yes."

"Even when Tallie is going on date with Porter, Merowit's best friend? You don't think Lily might agree just to keep Tallie company? And who knows what could happen? Who know how many sparks will fly?"

"Ok, ok," James relented. "I've waited too long. I know."

"I don't think it's too late just yet," Remus interjected mildly.

"What was she talking to you about anyway? Why was she sitting with you all?" He tried to sound nonchalant, but he failed miserably.

"Obviously because we are such delightful company," Sirius retorted.

"Lily asked me if I sent her the gifts."

"She did?" Peter asked and they were all grinning at him in celebration.

"Unfortunately I denied it. I didn't know you lot had gone behind my back."

"That explains why she was sitting with us."

"It does?"

"Don't be so daft!" Sirius was gesturing with his hands to emphasize how thick he thought James was being. "Do you honestly believe it was our company Lily was interested it? She was waiting for you to show up. Not only did she guess it had been you, she wanted it to be you."

"And I acted like an idiot when I did show up."

"She's forgiven all your other idiot moments; I'm sure she can overlook this one," Sirius reasoned. "Anyway-" Sirius paused and James looked at his best friend expecting some jibe to erupt from his lips. "You told her about your father. That must mean something."

* * *

Lily was just returning from the Owlery after sending a letter to her folks. It was the same letter she had tried writing that afternoon in the common room not too long ago. 

Black's interaction toward her had strangely changed after that same afternoon. Sirius had taken to saying "Hello, Evans" whenever they met, sometimes even striking up polite conversations about the weather or a test.

She was walking along her thoughts somewhere else to find her path blocked. Merowit, a seventh year from Hufflepuff, stood grinning in front of her, a bouquet of rose in his hands. "Lily!" he exclaimed delightedly. "These are for you." He bowed slightly as she uncertainly accepted the flowers.

Merowit wasn't deterred by her silence. "Will you do me the honor of accompanying me on a date to Hogsmeade, Lily?"

Lily surveyed the hallway hoping for an escape from the question in any shape or form.

"Er…"

A little first year came running down the hallway looking more anxious than Lily felt at the moment. She came to a halt in front of them. "Are you Lily Evans?"

"Yes."

"Here!" The girl thrust a folded piece of parchment into her hands and fled the scene as if she'd done something against the rules.

Merowit looked irritated by the interruption. "Well, Lily?"

Curiosity over the note was overcoming the politeness she would have usually given the boy in front of her. "It might be important. Head stuff." She returned the flowers to Merowit and opened the paper to find in elegant script:

_Where dwell the brave of heart_

_High above, upon a Tower,_

_Inside your room, you'll find_

_Soothing sweet scent _

_Of your favorite flower_

Confusion must have registered in her features because Merowit asked, "What does it say? Is something the matter?"

"It's nothing," Lily muttered while carefully re-reading the words. _Was this some ones idea of a joke? _If she was to go by the first year's demeanor, an older student could have possibly forced her to take part in it. _Or was this by the mysterious lad who sent her the other gifts?_ The boy that was not Potter, but was acting as Lily wished James would.

"Who is that from?" Merowit asked testily. He sounded a bit jealous; it was almost if he could tell where her thoughts were leading her. Merowit did not take fondly to being ignored and swiped the note out of her hand.

"Who wrote this?" he demanded again.

"I don't know," she said back evenly

He looked the note over and guffawed. "Poetry? I can serenade you poetry if that's what you wish."

She took back possession of the note.

"You haven't already agreed to go to Hogsmeade with someone else have you?"

"No, I haven't." She hesitated and carefully said, "I'm really sorry. I can't accept a date with you."

"Why not? If it's Potter you're worried about. I can take care of him."

When she didn't make a comment, he continued this time with an angrier tone. "Everyone was saying you were over him, or is it just that he's through with you?"

"I cannot accept a date with you," she repeated and turned her heel on him. After walking swiftly away, she paused to look behind and was relieved he did not choose to follow her.

She folded the note and placed it in her robe pocket. It could still be a joke, she reasoned, but whoever had sent it had unknowingly helped her deflect Merowit's advances. She wanted to thank the person just for that.

She was on pins and needles, wondering what she would find by the time she entered Gryffindor Tower.

"Lily!" Tallie squealed rushing at her the moment she arrived in the common room. "Oh! You've got to come see our dorm!"

Tallie grabbed her by the hand and dragged her up the stairs to the seventh year dorm. Tallie pushed Lily forward so she'd be first to enter. Lily let out a gasp, her eyes widening in amazement. Her entire bed was covered in white lilies, the surface of the petals striped in red and gold to match the interior of the room. A path of white petals began at the entrance of the room leading to her bed.

"Who did this?" Lily voiced out loud, remembering the note. It hadn't been a joke after all, but what exactly was it then?

"It must be that secret admirer again," Carlie said wistfully from behind her. She, too, knew about the mittens and box.

On her pillow amongst the lilies, was another folded piece of paper. Carefully stepping toward the bed, Lily picked up the paper, unfolding it to reveal a large paw print. This note had even less clues than the first.

"Lily, look outside," Tallie called excitedly. Lily moved from the bed to the window; though they were high up in the Tower, it was possible to make out a large black dog with a sheet over him and painted on the sheet was a black paw print.

"What on earth?" Lily said. "I suppose I'm supposed to go outside to the dog?"

"The dog looks like the Grim," Carlie said. She was biting her lip and looked suddenly apprehensive about the whole thing.

"Nonsense, I've seen the dog before. He's a stray that lives in the Forest." Carlie did not look reassured. "He's harmless," Tallie insisted.

"We could go with Lily," Carlie stated, "for safety purposes."

"No, I think – er – Lily should go on her own."

"Why? What if someone is trying to harm her?"

"By sending flowers and paw print notes? Hardly seems malicious." Tallie turned to Lily. "You are going to go, right?"

Lily was so stunned by the unexpectedness of the flowers and secret notes that if she had been thinking clearly; she might have been more suspicious. After all, if this indeed was a secret admirer, how had the boy managed to get into their dorm? There was also no way to know if this was the same person who had sent the other gifts. Or if the gifts were part of a more elaborate setup to get her to trust this unknown person before springing her into some trap.

"I don't know," Lily said uncertainly. She gazed down outside. Lily was rarely impulsive about anything, but she felt if she didn't follow the notes, she'd always wonder what lay at the end of the trail. "Well I don't want that poor dog to sit there all day either."

"It's freezing outside. Don't forget your cloak and mittens, Lily," Tallie commanded having already deduced by Lily's determined expression that she was going outside.

Wrapped in her warmest cloak and the soft white mittens, Lily set off, weaving through the castle, out the door, through the courtyard, and toward where she spotted the dog. It had begun to drizzle.

_Perfect_, Lily thought dryly. _Couldn't this mystery person have picked a warmer, dryer day?_

The dog bounded toward her - the sheet with the paw print had fallen off - tail wagging and he greeted her as if he recognized her. In its mouth was another note bearing:

_Follow me. _

_Snuffles, the dog_

A smile formed on her lips as she pet the dog. The idea of following a treasure hunt of some sort enticed her. The dog let out a bark, asking her if she was ready, and began to lead the way when Lily nodded.

Snuffles padded along straight towards the lake; the path the dog followed never strayed far from the bank. The weather was turning for the worse; the drizzle had turned more persistent and the wind had gained strength tangling her loose hair.

The sky was a canvas of various shades of gray; with no sun, the trees, leaves, and other growth were all cast in the shadowy light; the Forbidden Forest looked more sinister than ever before. The lake water churned, waves rolled in, the froth as white as her gloves, a stark and striking contrast to the darkening water and sky around it.

Snuffles suddenly stopped; they'd reached a cove. Lily looked up and to her right. There he stood, fourteen feet from shore. The wind ruffled his hair wildly, his cloak flapped around him. He was standing on a large flat stone, a bouquet of flowers in his hands.

_It was him! It had been him all along!_

As James caught sight of Lily, he stiffened and hastily retrieved his wand from his pocket. With a flourish of his wand, a stream of words in white appeared on the sky above him.

"I ask just one thing, Miss Evans. One question: Me or the Giant Squid."

Lily let out a noise; it wasn't quite a laugh, but a mixture of amusement and astonishment. She hadn't noticed until now, her eyes had never left James the moment she had spotted him, but parallel to where James was, one tentacle, the others drifting idly in the water, was sticking out of the water resting on a flat stone. The lone tentacle was wrapped around a bouquet of flowers.

Lily remembered very vividly that afternoon after O.W.L.'s their fifth year. James certainly hadn't come off well in that instance, and the fact that he was assured enough to reference that day, reinforced the change, the growth, James had gone through.

Instead of just apologizing, he'd gone through all this. How on earth had he coerced the Giant Squid to cooperate? It was something worthy of the 'marauder' title James had fixed on him and his friends.

James was watching her apprehensively. He ran a hand through his damp hair – James may have changed in some ways, but that habit would stay with him forever.

Glancing backward, Lily noted Snuffles had sat down, looking like he was ready to watch some sort of play. The dog seemed to have sensed the importance of the situation. Lily's cloak was becoming saturated from the rain – she had known her choice the moment she'd read the words – yet she was having trouble moving. It was as if she didn't want to ruin the moment.

Lily took a tentative step closer to the water edge, close enough that the water lapped the soles of her shoes. Lily leaped to the first stepping stone; she took another step, then another, her pace increasing until she was standing in front of James, mere centimeters from him.

"Lily – I-"

She flung her arms around James, kissing him soundly on the lips. Lily could not describe how she was feeling without sound trite and lovesick. She almost expected the dark grey clouds to part and the sun to shine through. It was impossible for the weather to stay so miserable, when finally she felt that everything was right, in order, the way it was meant to be.

They broke apart slowly, so unlike the hasty split after their first kiss. Lily felt pleasantly tingly.

"I'm sorry for ignoring-"

Lily kissed him again, silencing his apology. She didn't need to hear it. Not now, not in this moment. His actions, the notes, flowers, said everything in a deeper way than any string of words. She mattered to him. Later they'd need to talk, to completely straighten out the mess, but now the explanations were not needed.

James responded enthusiastically, lifting her off her feet and swinging her around. Snuffles was barking excitedly from shore. Their kiss was long and drawn out and they laughed when it ended, both feeling giddy and James kept his arms around her. He turned to the Giant Squid, saying consolingly, "Sorry mate." The Giant Squid didn't look very upset.

James helped her back to shore.

"Were you worried I wouldn't choose you?" she teased.

"Not at all," James said with confidence. She swatted him playfully knowing full well he had no idea her feelings for him had stayed strong throughout their whole ordeal.

"Do you like the mittens?" he asked as he took her gloved hand.

"So it was you?"

"That would be my meddlesome mates who actually sent you the gifts. I did buy them."

He took one of her arms, twirling her around to an imaginary tune. As she whirled into his embrace, he leaned in to kiss her, then paused. "All right, Snuffles," he stated loudly, "you can leave now."

The dog barked and then lay down, making itself comfortable on the wet grass, his head in his paws and he looked up at them with big puppy dog eyes.

"We should go back inside anyway," Lily said, smiling. "This rain isn't letting up…"

"Right…"

Hand and hand, they walked back toward the castle. It took them much longer to reach the castle because they kept getting distracted. Lily would have gladly spent a bit more time with James, but the weather was unfortunately raging quite a battle on Hogwarts. Even James's warm and comforting embrace could not fight off the cold forever.

Still holding hands they entered the castle and into the Great Hall, where some students were milling – laughing, chatting, and gossiping. Lily felt James squeeze her hand as together they walked toward the Grand staircase. She could feel the din of the students gathered decrease and could feel their stares. Suddenly they were in front of the Portrait of the Fat Lady. She heard James speak the password and she felt herself move into the Gryffindor common room, without realizing she was moving. She couldn't stop herself from pausing at the entrance to the common room, or her instinctive reaction to release his hand.

The Gryffindor room was crowded and everyone quit talking the moment they spotted them together. Lily looked at James, noticing his frown, the disappointment he couldn't keep from showing on his handsome features.

James lifted his hand and cautiously brushed a strand of hair out of her eyes and ran his hand through her damp hair. In a low voice, low enough that no one beside Lily could hear, he said, "I need to know, Lily. We should do this properly, officially or not at all. So, Lily, will you go out with me?"

She hesitated despite herself. It all came down to nerves. "Yes, James. I will."

Despite her hesitation, the moment was not ruined; his frown turned instantly into a smile, the doubt in his eyes vanished to show his usual mischievous sparkle. The students in the common room were still watching trying to decipher exactly what had occurred or was occurring.

Lily did not wait for James to make the next move, to take her hand, to lean toward her. Before she knew fully what her actions were going to be, she kissed him fully on the mouth in front of all their house mates. Their relationship was now proper, official, and a few boys whooped at their kiss.

Tallie was the first to approach, hugging them both, looking very teary eyed and more sentimental than Lily had ever seen her. Remus and Peter patted James on the back with big grins.

Lily heard the door to the common room open behind them. She was facing the entrance; James had his back turned. Sirius entered soaked to the bone, he was not smiling; he was pale and shivering slightly.

James first noticed her face, then heard the tremor in Sirius's voice as he said, "Prongs…" She felt the warmth in James disappear, felt him turn cold; as if she could feel the dread gathering inside of him. "Your father – McGonagall-"

Sirius couldn't seem to string more than two words together.

Before her mind could completely wrap around it all; James was leaving, she was no longer in his arms, he was out the door. Sirius disappeared directly behind him. Lily turned feeling as if all the air had been pushed out of her. The silence was deafening, causing all her worries to pound in her head. She wished everyone would stop looking at her.

Sirius returned alone fifteen minutes later. Everyone had gotten back to what they were doing before, though there was a definite softer note to all the activities.

"Let's go upstairs," Sirius mouthed to Remus and Peter. She hadn't realized she'd been included in the invitation until the boys were on the stairs looking back at her expectantly.

It felt so wrong to enter James's dorm with his friends when he wasn't there. It was awkward to sit on his bed knowing this is where he slept each night.

"He's still alive. They've rushed him to St. Mungo's. He's very sick. They don't know for how long…" Sirius's voice broke. "If he'll even make it through the night."

Lily remembered how Mr. and Mrs. Potter were surrogate parents to Sirius since he'd run away.

"McGonagall wouldn't let me go…with classes tomorrow…I wouldn't even be allowed in the hospital room; family only."

"You're as good as family," Lily heard herself say without thinking.

Sirius nodded in acknowledgement, looking like he was holding back tears. Lily looked away. After a few minutes of silence and unable to think of words of comfort, Lily bade them a goodbye and headed downstairs and then up to the girls' dormitory.

* * *

"Excuse me, sorry to disturb you, Mr. Potter. Visitor time is over." 

James looked up to see the nurse watching him apprehensively. She looked prepared for him to argue about it. The nurse was young, maybe on a few years out of Hogwarts, but James didn't remember her.

"Just a moment, please."

The nurse slipped out, but he could still sense her hovering by the door.

His father's condition had improved. The doctors couldn't explain it. With his father being older and the dragon pox already weakening his immune system, the respiratory infection he'd caught had made him gravely ill. The doctors had told his mum and him to prepare for the worst, and now they expected him to be allowed home in a week and a half.

During this visit, James's father had been sleeping for the most part. James had found himself speaking about Lily Evans. Both his parents had heard that name before from Sirius teasing him at home at one time or another.

James stood up and placed a light hand on his father's head. "Please get better, Dad. I really want you to meet Lily," he whispered before leaving the room.

* * *

It had taken two days of nagging, but Sirius managed to convince McGonagall and Dumbledore to give him a full day off to see James and his father. Lily handed Sirius a 'Get Well' card to give to James's father. The last news they'd heard was Mr. Potter was recovering nicely and he would returning home two days sooner than expected. He'd have to continue taking a strength potion three times a day. 

Sirius didn't return until late in the afternoon the next day during the time the seventh years had a free period to use to study for N.E.W.T.'s. He wasn't alone; James had come back as well.

Lily was walking down from the girls' dormitory when James had entered the common room, so he did not immediately see her. He greeted Remus and Peter. Even though he looked worn out, there was sincere warmth to his smile as he spoke to his friends.

Lily stepped out of the shadows. She was holding her breath, fearful about how he'd react toward her. They hadn't said a word to each other since James had left the school so suddenly, only communicating through Sirius. It felt like years since she'd agreed to be his girlfriend.

James was on his feet, striding over to her, and her worries dissolved as he wrapped her in a tight embrace. She inhaled the strength of his smell. Her head resting on his shoulder, she placed her palm on his chest; hearts beating together.

"I missed you terribly," James murmured, his hand tangled in her red hair. It was all she needed to hear.

* * *

THREE YEARS LATER… 

It was Halloween. Lily had always looked forward to Halloween as a child. Today, however, would be no different than any other day. Her family would not be joining in the Halloween festivities.

Lily was alone in the kitchen at Godric's Hollow preparing breakfast the Muggle way. She felt it was no longer necessary to save time by using magic – her family was in hiding – and they had too much time on their hands as it was.

James sauntered into the kitchen, Harry in his arms. He placed their son into his baby seat, walked behind her, wrapping his arms around her, and whispered in her ear, "Good morning, my love."

Lily turned to face James, wrapping her own arms around him. "Morning, Prongs." She was relieved to see his schoolboy nickname could still make him smile. Now she of course knew all the Marauders' secrets, knew the true meaning behind the names.

James sat down at the table yawning. As Lily watched him a silly smile formed on her face.

"What?" he asked, messing up his hair lazily. _How that habit used to irk her younger self!_ Now she found it endearing, a reminder of more innocent school days.

"Oh, nothing."

She was thinking back to their last year at Hogwarts. It still surprised her how optimistic they had been, how many sunlit days they'd enjoyed. James had been her bright light even with the up and down health of his father looming over their daily activity. Their courtship had been exciting and wonderful, but far from perfect. Many chances arose for arguments between them, there were things they'd always disagree about, but it did not matter. Their feelings for each other were true and deep enough to get over all their bumps and mishaps.

"I wish Padfoot could come visit."

Lily looked up quickly. She'd been waiting for a statement like this from James for a few days now. Lily smiled consolingly. "I know, but we saw him a few days ago."

They'd only been under the Fidelius Charm for about a week. They'd already been in hiding for a few months before, keeping a low profile, after Dumbledore had overheard a prophecy. Through recent intelligence Dumbledore had learned Voldemort was planning on targeting the Potter family specifically. And when Voldemort wanted you dead, it was only a matter of time…you could only run for so long. Dumbledore had insisted nothing was more important than keeping them safe, alive, especially little Harry. It had taken some convincing on James's part. James hated hiding out while friends and fellow Order members were out risking their lives. Lily knew he'd only agreed to keep Harry and her protected.

Visitors had already been scarce with the dangers of gathering in groups larger than three or four people, especially if they consisted of Order Members. All their friends nowadays were Order Members. Lily had lost contact slowly with Tallie, Carlie, and her other roommates. None of them had been willing to join the resistance, and knowing she had, they had stopped inviting her to things. Her friends felt it was too dangerous to have her around. They were right on that account - the Death Eaters were picking Order members off one by one.

Now under the Fidelius charm, they were completely invisible to everyone but those few who'd been told _the secret_. Peter had been chosen to be their Secret Keeper at the last minute, leaving everyone, Remus and Dumbledore included, to still think it was Sirius. There had been rumors circulating for awhile about a spy amongst the Order; a spy close to the Potters. Sirius, convinced Remus was the spy, had persuaded James and her not to tell Remus about the Secret Keeper switch.

Lily had been worried that James would either do something reckless or would talk Sirius into doing something reckless. She reminded her husband gently, "Sirius is supposed to be in hiding himself. It would be unwise for him to come see us very often. Do not forget the danger he is in while everyone suspects him to be our Secret Keeper."

"I know. If only Dumbledore would return my Invisibility cloak…"

"You can't leave-"

"I'd give it to Sirius. It would make it easier for him to visit or at least he could use it to hide himself."

Lily nodded placing scrambled eggs and toast onto two plates. There was no point arguing. James and Sirius were as close as they'd been at Hogwarts, practically brothers, and Lily knew nothing would keep the two apart for long. The Invisibility cloak would be the safest way for Sirius to visit them, for who knew how long they'd have to stay in hiding.

It felt to Lily that a whole lifetime instead of a few years had passed since their days at Hogwarts. The first year out of Hogwarts had been a rollercoaster of events and emotions. It should have been an exhilarating time for them; finally out of school, out in the _real_ world and making their own decisions. Their growth to full adulthood, however, had been accelerated that first year; at only eighteen they'd both lost their parents.

Lily lost hers first in a car crash; James's steady strong presence had given her strength to get through her grief. They'd married two months after; it had seemed so important at that time to start their own family. Half a year later James's parents passed away; a combination of illness and old age. It had been a trying time; only survivable because they now faced the world together.

With the deaths of their parents still heavy on their hearts, Dumbledore recruited them to join the resistance, which later became known as _The Order of the Phoenix. _Sirius, Remus, and Peter joined as well.

"Da da da!"

Lily and James both turned to Harry. Their son, oblivious to the dangers of the world, was happy to entertain them with his baby talk.

Harry had been their savior – he was a happy, rambunctious baby. He kept them sane; saved them from the inevitable boredom that plagued them day to day. Lily recalled how terrified she'd been when she had learned of her pregnancy – bringing a baby into this uncertain world was mad, irresponsible. She had been unprepared for how the news of a new life amongst all the news of death had brought hope, joy, and smiles to all the Order members. The Longbottoms had also been expecting, but because they were Aurors, they were rarely around for meetings. Her growing belly brought smiles to their downtrodden faces, relieved the tension from the room. For a few minutes everyone could forget about the terrible reality of their world, that the Death Eaters were picking them off one by one; forget the rumor there might be a spy…

Harry had been born, perfect and healthy – a blend of the two of them, James's messy hair and her green eyes. Sirius had been named Harry's godfather; she'd agreed readily, having grown close to her husband's best friend and trusting him fully with her son should the unthinkable happen.

It was another beautiful fall day and Lily wished she could take Harry for a stroll outside. Instead she had baked cookies in the shape of pumpkins, witch's hats, and Snitches that afternoon. Now it was later at night, another dull day had passed, and Lily walked into the living room. James was entertaining Harry with colored smoke spouting out of his wand. Harry was laughing, trying to grab hold of the smoke with his chubby little hands. She paused at the doorway overcome with love for her husband and son.

"James, Harry needs to go to bed," she said gently, picking up her soon. Lily glanced backward at James as she headed upstairs, her gaze lingering on him almost as if she knew this would be the last time she'd see him alive. James had flopped onto the couch, stretching out. He looked exhausted. Lily continued up the stairs murmuring sweet words to Harry, who was rubbing his eyes sleepily.

It was then, Lily heard a noise downstairs. _Was it their cat trying to get inside?_ She turned to call down to James, to verify everything was all right. The next words turned her blood to ice: "Lily, take Harry and go! It's him! Go! Run! I'll hold him off!1"

She heard a sinister laugh, and it wasn't hearing the terrible curse (_Avada Kedavra!_), her mind could not process the words – it was the green light filling the hallway that made her scream. Memories danced through her mind: patrolling with James, dancing at Petunia's engagement party, James bent down on one knee in the middle of London, the tears that had filled his eyes when he first held Harry…

She had to think clearly, wishing she could Apparate, but without her wand…

Lily barricaded herself in, knowing it was useless, buying them only seconds at most. If only she could think of a way out, to save Harry. Voldemort forced the door open – she looked into his terrible red eyes – he was smirking, amused. Harry was still in her arms, he was being so good, not even whimpering. Lily dropped him in the crib.

When the man first asked her to stand aside, she'd instinctively spread her arms, stood between Voldemort and her son. All that consumed her mind was protecting Harry. She would do anything to save Harry. Her heart beat wildly; she'd never been more frightened. Not for her own death, she'd come to terms with the possibility since joining the Order, but for Harry; a child, innocent, helpless.

It was only when he asked her again to stand aside that thoughts began to slowly form in her mind. Voldemort had every intention of letting her live. Why spare her when he'd so cruelly disposed of her husband?

"Not Harry! Please…have mercy…have mercy…Not Harry! Please – I'll do anything-" The words were just spilling out of her mouth. Voldemort looked inhuman, but it did not stop her from trying to appeal to any ounce of humanity left inside the terrible man in front of her.

"Stand aside. Stand aside, girl!"

He was completely serious and she could not understand it. Voldemort expected her to stand aside; to do nothing while she watched him murder her son. Voldemort believed she would value her own life over her child's. For a wizard who claimed to have more magical knowledge than anyone alive or dead, he knew nothing about love.

Lily saw him raise his wand – she was so filled with the grief coursing through her, love pounding inside – she never spared a thought to their betrayer.

Green light was rushing toward her. A vision of Harry - he was smiling, seventeen; of age, with glasses and a scar on his forehead - surfaced in her mind. Her last thought: _Not Harry_.

_Fin_

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**Chapter title meaning: So it was fated… **

**Disclaimer: The last part of this chapter, contains bits and parts from the Chapter Seventeen: _Bathilda's Secret_ pages 342-345 in _Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows _by J.K. Rowling, American ed. A few lines were copied directly from page 343, page 344, and page 344 and are not my own writing. **

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Author's note: Thank you everyone for reading this story. I really hope you enjoyed the journey of how Lily and James fell in love. Now is your last chance to let me know what you think of this chapter, as well as the story as a whole, so please leave a REVIEW!**


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